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cant forget about him cheating

He cheated a year and a half before marriage, but I didn't find out until a little after a year of marriage and a baby. He didn't volunteer the info, I found out by calling the girl. They slept together about 4 times that I know of. I am trying to move on, I know hes sorry, he has shown high emotions that he is sorry. I just dont know how to get it out of my mind. I look at her myspace sometimes and compare myself to her, wondering what she has that I don't. I dont want to have sex, or really even kiss or cuddle anymore. He knows how I feel, we discuss it sometimes. He says we are not gettig a divorce over something that happened before marriage and I uderstand that may be stupid reason to leave. I just dont know how to get close again, without thinking about him with her & If he's going to do it again. If it wasn't for us having a daughter, I probably would be gone. Any advice form some of you that have been threw this?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:12 PM on Nov. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Why did you go looking? If you weren't going to leave and he's not going to leave then why did you pursue the other women? Sometimes knowing is worse than not knowing but you can't go back now. Either try really hard to make it work or leave him. You have to decide what's the most important thing to you and work towards that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • OP- should I just move on without him?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • OP- I looked at her myspace cause I wanted to see if I knew her. She had worked with him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • You weren't married, it wasn't cheating. Just try to think of it that way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Well, for one I would stop looking at her Myspace. We women always try to compare. It's probably not anything that you think like she is prettier, nicer, better in bed. I think men just want something different all the time. I don't think this is going to be something that you are just going to get over. You guys should probably try to seek counseling together.
    Jguevara

    Answer by Jguevara at 12:25 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • If it wasn't for us having a daughter, I probably would be gone. Any advice form some of you that have been threw this?---LEAVE HIM AND TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER WITH YOU!!!
    blue_glass_mama

    Answer by blue_glass_mama at 12:27 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • I am just curious, after 2 years, what made you call the girl? How did you know about her, was there some sort of activity going on that prompted you to investigate? I guess I would say it was before you were married, and just dating--so even though it is hard try to put it out of your head! If he is a loving husband and good Dad, don't punish him--but please let us know what made you investigate it, I never even think about my DH exes or past girlfriends. good luck mom!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 12:27 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • You weren't married, it wasn't cheating. Just try to think of it that way.

    I disagree with this. If you were in a committed relationship it was cheating. Don't make excuses for him. The next time he cheats your going to come up with another silly excuse like " Oh it's Tuesday so it's not considered cheating. He should be held up to certain expectations and if he can't fulfill them don't make excuses.
    Jguevara

    Answer by Jguevara at 12:30 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • You can't dwell on everyone your spouse had sex with before you got married. That was then, this is now. Get over it already. You may have been with other men. Would you want him being upset about that, calling them, and spying on them?
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 12:31 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • COUPLES COUNSELING!!!! If you go to church, you can do it free of charge.
    mamie2shoes

    Answer by mamie2shoes at 12:38 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

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