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What should I do with my 15yr old daughter?

So I'm truley stumped with Amber..... You have any suggestions in dealing with a 15 girl who is breaking down in tears at night and is having issues with things like she doesn't know how she will be able to do her school work for her crazzzyyy classes and play basketball but keep good grades....she claims she is struggling keepin up now and is upset because she has all B"s and 1-A and they should be all A's...she wants to be a big part of interact so she can be an officer next year
Then of course she believes she won't have any life once basketball starts so she won't ever be able to see her B.F. or "heaven forbid" her boyfriend...oh yea and the fact that some people need more then ten minutes a day to chill out... These plus a million more things all finally came out last night and I was blown away. My husband and I want her to cont. B-Ball this year cuz we invested a l0t of money in it this past summer and I don't want her

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Bylinda

Asked by Bylinda at 1:39 PM on Nov. 6, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (7)
  • ran out of room..
    sitting around on te computer all the time as weight is a serious issue on both sides of the family and she was palying on a soccer team but they never had pratices and she couldn't even run on the field for more then 10 mins when just last year she could last a whole game. Some think her boyfriend is causing her to not want to play, others think it's a lazy stage sheneed to be pushed throuhg and other believe it's too much with allher advanced classes.
    Bylinda

    Answer by Bylinda at 1:44 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Have a big sit down with her. List all the things she's involved with, and all the things she wants to be involved with. Then help her learn to prioritize.....and help her with reasons for that. Not just because "I said so". Of all the things on her list, school should be the priority. School activities should come next. If she is considering college, make her aware that her grades/attendance count alot. Then they will also look at her activities and consider what she "has to offer the school". I have no idea why they do this...but they do. Boyfriends should ALWAYS take a back seat to everything else. Make her understand you only get one go 'round.....make it count. You only get high school once. You only get kid sports once. You only get high school activities once. Etc.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 1:52 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Maybe you and she need to sit down and symplify her life. Let her participate only in the most important activities but not all of them. Give her the opportunity to have a life and live a schedule. She doesn't have to be in every event. If you don't help her simplify, she will do it herself by saying "enough" in a very loud voice and rebellion follows very close behind.
    jesse123456

    Answer by jesse123456 at 2:48 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Keep her busy!!! The busier she is the better off! My daughter is the same way, she has honors and college classes, is involved in sports, and has a huge social life. She breaks down too like your daughter did last night, but she wouldn't want it any other way. She doesn't want to give up any of the things she's doing and she shouldn't have to. You're only young once. Help her plan her schedule to fit everything in. If she get's to stressed and overwhelmed, cut some out. But don't cut out the social life. That part is just as important as the academic and sports. Just help her find balance to it all.
    brotmom

    Answer by brotmom at 12:35 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • Time to talk to the bf.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:50 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • It sounds to me like she really doesn't want to play basketball. It could be for very wrong reasons, but I might let her give it up with the stipulation that she still would not be allowed to spend her time with her boyfriend or with her girlfriends. If her concern it really for her classwork, then I would see to it that she devoted the majority of her time to it. I might also give her the option of some other extracurricular activity next year which might not take so much time. If you think she is trying to manipulate you into allowing her to have more time for a social life, then make her play ball. It's pretty late to back out of it now since it's time for the season to start. If she has not wanted to play for a long time, and you and her dad insisted, this may be her way of rebelling against your control. If this is something to which she wanted to commit, that's very different than if you chose it for her.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:34 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • I like what NannyB said. :)

    Also, some kids do really well under stress and can take on multiple activities; others cannot. It's probably best to sit down with your daughter and really talk to her. Ask her what she wants to do. If she doesn't want to play basketball (even if you have invested a lot of money in it), don't force her to do it. Been there. My oldest, now 18 was forced by her father to play basketball and she hated it. But if she's using it as a tool for manipulation, then by all means, make her keep her commitment to it.

    As for the boyfriend....talk to her about that too. She needs to understand that at 15, she has a lot of life ahead of her and this boyfriend is probably not a permanent thing (the majority of teen relationships aren't). She needs to make sure that she has her priorities straight - school and family first, chores if she has them (and she should have a few!), and then the boyfriend.
    LizS528

    Answer by LizS528 at 9:13 PM on Nov. 7, 2009

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