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how can I make this work, he's so immature! but I love him!

Ok, i'm going to try to sum this up short, lol. I'm 18, my bf is 19. I moved in with him when I was 15, and we had a son when I was 18, he was 17. And I've changed A LOT since I had my son, and he .. hasn't. I'm more mature, and patient. And he's the complete opposite. I want him to grow up, and act his age, but everytime I bring something up like what he's doing, he tells me I act immature too. but I dont. He says when I talk to my son in "baby language", like how most women talk to babies.. it's immature, lol. And when I need alone time, to take a shower, or something, he's mean to the baby. Like not abusive or anything, like he'll yell at him, and make him stay on the couch and watch tv, because he doesn't want to get down and clean up his toys if he messes with them. I just don't know what to do about him. I love him, and I don't want to leave him, but he just gets on my nerves. For ex. : when we were in line at the ATM..

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Nov. 6, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • to the anon who said baby talk is wrong, pppffft get a grip. I spoke it to my son and he has the vocabulary of a genius and actually has a genius IQ......but thats not the issue and she needs answers not judgements, geesh.
    to the OP...you cannot change him or make him mature, it has to happen to him on its own time, and it may never happen.But until that does, I wouldnt leave him alone too much witht the baby for safety reasons. yanno if bf wants to act like an idiot, let him and ignore stuff like the atm incident, or look at the person and say quietly"sorry, he is special and needs his meds fo rhte day" and walk away. you worry about you and the baby and he has to grow up on his own or risk being left behind. or...you could leave him.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 3:27 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • (cont'd)
    the other day, he was rubbing his nipples, at the woman at the window, it was so embarressing, and it probaly would have been funny 3 years ago, but not now. He just doesnt understand.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:14 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • First off, you should never talk to your baby with baby talk. Speak properly, they are learning speech from you. My son's speech therapist was grateful, that I hadn't ever spoken to him like that.

    After that, the sad thing is that he is 19, and at 19 he is still emotionally years younger than you. Wait it out, if you can. As long as he's working and being responsible in other ways he will eventually grow out of it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:21 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Were young too girlfriend Im 19 hubby is 20! But dont worry Im sure things will straighten up soon. My husband is still a little immature too but not that type of immaturity. EX. my husband will play a video game and waste 45 minutes when the ROOm is a WRECK sista!and needs to be cleaned.. thats my state of immaturity.! now the nipple thing o lord! maybe he is just all off a goofy guy. and alot of guys are, but they still are mature at heart. Im sure htings will get completly better give it a couple of years. he will grow it out. but yelling at the baby because he wont clean his mess up thats just insane esp. if hes only 1-2 yrs. he is just a baby. I would def talk to him about that I would understand getting upset at a 4 yr old is they are being messy. but just a little baby is so wrong :(.. msg me if ya want sista!
    Butterflyluvn88

    Answer by Butterflyluvn88 at 2:40 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • YOU cannot make a relationship work: it takes two. What you can do is be clear about what is acceptable and unacceptable, clear about your expectations, and be responsible for maintaining your boundaries. Just because you've changed and matured, it is unfair (no matter how desirable) to expect him to be following your timeline. The best you can do is be consistent, lead by example, and be clear. The rest is up to him. He's going to have to do the growing in his own time, in his own way.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 2:57 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

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