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How do courts dertermine custody visitation?

My DD bio father think he should be able to take my DD EOW even though he couch surks is disabled and un-employed deadbeat who has never paid any CS even when he was capable. He also has a long history of domestic violence. This all came up because my DD wants to play b-ball and I'm lettting her, but it is on Saturdays so it interfers with his visit. Also my DD totally hates going there down right cries when I tell her its his weekend. So if I take him to court will they give him more, less? I live in MN. I'm so sick of fighting with him he is such a mean loser. I mean my kid should be able to play sports and do things she wants on "his" weekends we also live 100 miles apart and I meet him half way but he's always late ALWAYS!!!

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Asked by Fordmomma at 2:22 PM on Nov. 6, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 8 (255 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • He is the father and he has a right to visitation. Suck it up and deal. You chose to lay down with that man, you chose to have his child. You have to deal with the consequences of YOUR choices.

    If he is disabled and can't work, that doesn't make him a dead-beat dad. My baby's father is on ssi and is not legally required to pay child support. He gives me what he can. I would never call him a deadbeat. He's the father of my child and deserves respect.

    It's more important for your daughter to cultivate a relationship with her father than to play sports on Saturdays. You knew he had EOW visitation before you consented to the Saturday sports, did you not? So you created the problem, NOT your baby's father. YOU have to explain to your daughter that on EOW, she is spending time with her dad, and that she can play sports on another night.

    We mothers make things harder than they have to be.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:42 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • My ex husband was homeless and couch surfing (well actually he wasnt homeless but his home wasnt very fitting for our kids to be at so he would couch surf when he had them) and I STILL allowed him over night visits EOW and my kids were only 19 months & 3!! I dont feel that his living arrangement should have interfered with my kids having their dad that LOVES them and that they love!! AND he wasnt paying a cent in child support... I didnt care, that grown up crap, all I cared about was the fact that my kids had a dad.

    The courts will not care that he doesnt pay support... it is actually handled in another court. In my county, you go to mediation and state your case. Then the mediator gives his/her report to the judge and more often than not... that report becomes the custory order

    Answer by Jaydin_Makenna at 2:48 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Thanks for your rude replys. I'm sure your childrens fathers are stand up guys, but her dad is not. I'm used to him not paying he never has and I have always been great with visits even driving the whole way. The only thing I asked him was to figure something else out to arrage for her to play sports and he throws a huge tissy fit. I'm sick of saying NO NO NO all the time he should want her to do things like sports. He doesn't even spend time with her when she is there. He drops her off and goes and drinks or plays PSP the whole time. I have sole custody of her unless otherwise granted by a court. I go out of my way to let them have a bond, but she doesn't like him or his family. So I should punish my child to make her dad happy? And no he was not this way when we had her he did a 180 for the worse. Thanks again maybe I should give you guys his number and you can hang out.

    Answer by Fordmomma at 3:07 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Stand up guy??? LOL My husband was out on bail for a Violation of a Restraining Order that I had on him when all of the custody stuff went on! Stand up guy MY A$$ but he was still THEIR FATHER!! If you talk about her dad around her like you do on here... no wonder she doesnt like him!! In the long run, having her be around her father is the BEST thing you can do for her and is NOT punishing her! You can have a stipulation put on your custody paperwork (I had this one) that he cant drink while he has her and for a certain amount of hours prior to getting her (I requested 12 hours but the judge said that he cant drink "at any time" so basically, he had to stay sober in order to retain his visits)

    So before you assume crap about me or my kids father... why dont you ask???

    Answer by Jaydin_Makenna at 3:13 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Never mind there is just to much to this story to try and get an answer from anybody. Thanks ne-ways. I also didn't assume anything I should have said "maybe" instead of "I'm sure" because that is what I thought.

    Answer by Fordmomma at 3:43 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • tell him he can have her on the saturdays -- but he has to take her to her games ?? Maybe he will either just chose another time or if he just stops and you wouldnt have a problem... from what % have read that you replied, he is a dead beat...just because a father says he wants to see his kids, doesnt mean he is a good father.

    Good Luck.

    Answer by glamomomo at 4:29 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

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