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I'm really upset over this!!!

My husband and I are living with my parents right now, until we get a chance to move (far, far) away. My DD is just over 5 months old, she's teething & she can be very fussy.
My dad came out into the living room this evening after my DD had been crying for about ten minutes, and he said "You need to do something about her crying, I can't handle it. It sounds like she's being murdered! Why can't you get her to stop? Your mom and I watch her and she's never like this!"
Yes, they do watch her while I'm at work, for about six hours, three days a week. It's during the day, and she's usually fussy in the evenings. I feel like my dad is saying that my husband and I are bad parents because our DD cries. Yeah, babies cry, I know it was 23 years ago, but I was a baby at one point too and I'm pretty sure he remembers that.

I can't really say anything and risk a huge fight, so what should I do? He really hurt my feelings!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:00 PM on Nov. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • OP here: just to clarify- my parents are the type of people who take any criticism as a personal attack, and talking to them calmly usually turns into a fight. My dad has Parkinson's Disease, and he's very sensitive, but obviously he doesn't care if he hurts someone else's feelings. Both my mother and my father tend to hold grudges, and bring things up from way back just so they have a leg to stand on in any argument.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • He is your dad, he is probably tired. Sometimes they say things out of anger they don't mean.

    How would you feel if you were alone, and all of a sudden you have a family again? He don't mean any harm, at least I don't think, he is probably tired and cranky. Just bite your toung and say ok dad.


    Answer by KFree907 at 11:04 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Bring it up in a neutral setting. Point out that she seems to be fussiest in the evenings. Tell him you will try harder to make sure she doesn't bother them so much (and make use of some baby tylenol or motrin) and ask him to understand that you are doing the best you can, and that saying those things made you feel like he thinks you're bad parents.

    *hugs* I hope some diplomacy helps!

    Answer by Ati_13 at 11:05 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • I'd be hurt too. And I've been there before. Dont dispute him, instead ask him for advise and what he thinks that you should do to calm her down. Trust me, BOTH of your parents will do a complete turn around once they feel like they are needed for advise. That will make them feel useful and not agrivated when she cries. And although you may hear there advise time and time again (with/out permissin), just take it in andsmile until you can move out.

    Answer by sugahmamma at 11:06 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Welcome to living with parents/in laws while you have a small child/infant. I been in both situations....NEVER AGAIN!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • It is quite possible that you dad does not "remember" what having a crying baby is all about. You have to realize that it has been a long time since your parents have had to handle the stress that goes along with having a baby in the house. Perhaps your father wasn't even around much when you were a baby to deal with all the rough times. I know my mom had most of the responsibility when I was growing up - dad was working - a lot. Anyhow, have you thought about talking to your Mom about how you feel (if you are not comfortable bringing it up with your Dad)? Perhaps you could get her to help get an open dialogue going with you Dad? Why do you fear a fight? Do you think your parents need a break from the babysitting? Perhaps you could make other arrangements if you feel they are not really up to the challenges of parenting a little one for a stretch of six hours. Maybe they get tired and need a break. Good Luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:11 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • It's never easy for parents to have their kids living with them after they've moved out and made lives. Your parents were probably enjoying the quietness and not having their kids in the house anymore. They want peace too. It's not easy for them to have to take on your family since you can't handle living on your own. He doesn't want to hear your baby cry. Nobody does. He's sick, he doesn't need your crying kid to make it worse for him. Cut him some slack.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 11:19 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • OP Here: SaraP- thanks for you awesome advice! How sweet of you to assume that my husband and I couldn't handle living on our own. Since the economy is so amazing and the job market is great right now, we're just irresponsible and bad with money and that's why we live with my parents! *BIG THUMBS UP*
    Seriously though: we live with my parents because THEY asked us to come live with them so that we could pay them some rent money, since my mom retired to take care of my dad who can't work and is on disability because of his disease. It seemed like a good idea at the time: paying less rent than we were before, and I could work a few days a week while my mom offered to take care of DD.
    You don't know everything about our situation, so don't judge me based on your unfounded assumptions.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:34 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • It's funny how I'm 20 years old and I've only been in college and I've never had a problem finding a job. Blaming the economy for all your money problems is getting old and I'm tired of hearing it.


    Answer by SaraP1989 at 11:40 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • SaraP: both my husband and I have jobs. Very good ones, actually, even though mine is only three days a week. That first bit was sarcasm, if you couldn't tell.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:44 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

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