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I need a friend to hear me out... good advice?

he sneaks out of hotel room two nights in a row. last night he got my debit cards and sup got robbed. months later... woke up again and he was gone... went and bought drugs. another night him and his brother stay out all night to where he had no clue where he was and would not answer my calls. recently he claimed a family memeber needed him to pick him up... found out he took my debit card again and charge 61 bucks of alcohol on my account while i had no idea. i woke up and he was gone. which his brother was with him this last time too. I have lost my trust.... and i have no idea what to do. threats and being upset does not work. I cant do this anymore... its tearing me apart. we have a child on the way and he is in his 30s. I have no one to turn to. what do i do... i want us to work

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:17 PM on Nov. 6, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • You and him are never going to work. He's in his 30's for chirst sake. You really want your baby around this kind of crap? I'm sure you can find someone better than that. Or be single for awhile.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 11:21 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Honey, for the sake of your child....get out NOW. Call a battered womans shelter or something similar. They can help you. PLEASE do not bring a child into this situiation.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • I agree with the previous posters. I know this isn't what you want to hear. You said you wanted to make it work, but sweetie, this is on him. HE is the one who has to change if you want to make a good life for your baby. Don't stay and hope for something better, because he's not going to change. Leave and don't look back.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 11:24 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • wow... I am so sorry for your situation. when I hear woman talk about SOs like this... I think I am so lucky and greatful to have my husband. I used to have a drug and alcohol problem and what worked for me to get help was a lot of prayer from the ones who loved me and my parents asked me "Do I like my life?" "Am I happy?" I finally gave in and got help..... he really needs to know how much you care about him and don't want him to die. Maybe talk to some of his other real friends and non using family members about an intervention.... good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • You need to, very calmly, tell him you WON'T have your baby around that kind of behavior, and until he can get it together he can not be around you or the baby. You need to have somewhere to go where he does NOT know where you are. You also need to take all your cards, call your bank, and tell them you need to change the card number so that he can't have the card numbers written down somewhere and use it again. I will tell you, if you don't step up and keep your baby from that situation, you are just as much at fault as he is if something happens to that baby because you know what he is doing. Protect yourself and your baby and get out of that situation. If he really wants to be a part of your life, he will clean up his act and prove it to you. If he doesn't then you will know that you made the right decision by getting out. There ARE still good guys out there, I know.

    Answer by AprilDJC at 11:25 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Your situation sounds very similar to mine when I was pregnant (except my guy started getting abusive during this time) He was also in his 30's and I'm so sorry you are going through that. I had to hide my money because he would steal it for drugs. He would tear the place apart to find it. He even took are rent money every month and used it on drugs and I didn't know until I came home to an eviction notice on my door .I had to stay at the city mission so that I could get help from Job and Family Services to get another place for me and my 3mth old. I don't think that your man is going to change because he is in his 30s and you've obviously gave him many chances to stop doing these things and change his ways. He hasn't done it because that is who he is. I know it's so hard to give up hope with him changing, but you are pregnant and as scary as it is now is the time to go. You can care for your baby better knowing that (cont)

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:27 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • you have the money to do so and you can focus all your attention on the baby instead of worrying about what he's going to do next. Good luck and be strong.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • IF he don't want to change, you can't change him. If he wants help you stand by your man. :)

    You will have to leave him for your childs sake, I didn't leave until I was pregnant with my second, and he told me he changed.

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:29 PM on Nov. 6, 2009

  • Leave.....NOW
    He isn't going to change. Go to a womens shelter if you have no where else to go.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • You need to ask yourself one question: Why did you stay with him after he stole from you the very first time? Did no one ever teach you that the very first thing a woman looks for in a man is character? A man of character does not steal. He also does not do drugs. And now you are going to have a child, a child who deserves to have two parents who love him and who are willing to teach him about character. Please consider putting this child up for adoption. There are many married couples who are unable to conceive and who would love to have the opportunity to give your child what it deserves. A father's guidance is of more value than is the mother's, and unless there is a miracle, your child has no chance of getting that from the man you have chosen to be his father. I do have sympathy for you, but I have more for this unborn child. You had a choice, but he had none. Every child deserves a chance at the best! Please!

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:53 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

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