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What is your personnal experience with RAD (Reactive attachment Disorder?)

So, other mothers may know... Share your experience with dealing w/ a child or children with RAD and what was the ultimate outcome. And what was your relationship to the child?

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matthewscandi

Asked by matthewscandi at 9:34 AM on Nov. 7, 2009 in Adoption

Level 26 (27,814 Credits)
Answers (45)
  • My AS formerly SS was diagnosed with RAD when he was 4 years old. He has been in therapy for almost two years for his issues. He has gotten a lot better. When he was a baby his mother left him with whoever would take him for however long. She didn't want to be around him except for when it was conveinent for her. His grandparents tried to take care of him but, they were old and just couldn't/can't handle a toddler. When we got him he was an angel for about 5 months and then all of a sudden he turned into a mean child that didn't care about anyone. He stole, got up in the middle of the night getting into the food, he threw monster tantrums that lasted for hours, just screaming and throwing things for two and three hours. Life was hard for us all. I know some days I wished I could send him back to his BM but, I didn't want to abandon him also. We put him in couseling for his issues and have been working hard with him for almost
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 9:42 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • two years now and he seems to be coming around. He started kindergarten this year and is in the "honeymoon phase" right now. Everyday I open his folder crossing my fingers that he behaved that day so far he has. He behaved the first 4 months of his prek year and turned into a terror but, I'm hoping since his teacher this year doesn't put up with a lot of misbehavior that he will see that she isn't going let him misbehave either. I think that since we got him young that he will recover from his problems and be able to lead a happy life. Its not easy dealing with him and I have found that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. I love my son and I would not want himm to go anywhere, seriously. But, on his bad nights and he still has them sometimes i wish I didn't have him. Anyways, I know this isn't a lot and this isn't every detail of the past few years but, its a little bit.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 9:50 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • my sister has a foster child who just turned 3, she got her a couple of monthes ago from an older foster couple. They put her with my sister because they wanterd her in a foster to adopt program. This little girl was removed from her home when she was a about 2yrs and 4 monthes old. She was removed from her home because of exteme neglect. This little girl could not walk or eat solids when they found her. Her father kept her in the playpen in frond of a tv all day long and only gave her a bottle. She is now an extremly friendly little girl and will go with anyone, which is scarry. She is also very affectionate. Sometimes I wonder if she has RAD, but I don't want to say anything.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • "Its not easy dealing with him and I have found that I am a lot stronger than I thought I was". - OP


    This made me smile. A true testament to your love and commitment to him.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:02 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • RAD forces you dig deep, and I mean deep. It is ugly, unruly, passive aggressive, sneaky, manipulative, and can so easily rip a marriage apart if both parents don't understand it. It tries a mother like nothing else I have ever experienced (and I had two kids prior and thought myself a dang good mom). You wonder if it will ever end. Just when you think you have made some progress...BAM...right back to square one. One could easily become lost in a sea of hopeless depression if time away is not spent, if support is not accessible. I feel deeply for any mother living with a child with RAD. If I had to choose just one word to describe my life since adopting my RAD child it would have to be EXTREME!! CRAZY outside the lines of what anyone ever imagined mothering to be.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • I don't think my DD's issue is RAD, but I am very glad to see this question/discussion. I think a little education can go a long way. We have some pretty extreme difficulties ourselves, and I can relate to just wanting to go hide for a few minutes and pull myself together (actually I have done that when DH is home to spell me!).
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 11:17 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • How much time do you have? Lol. Our oldest has RAD. She's 18 now. We adopted her when she was 11. She also has other disorders, so sometimes it's hard to tell if it's RAD or another one running her. When she was in middle school she got inducted into NJHS. She had to go onstage. She had the speaker announce that she just got adopted and was so happy and loved us. I got all teary eyed. It was beautiful. Years later she told us that she only had them do that because it looked good, not because that's how she felt. I can't even describe the emotional ups and downs with her. It would seem like she was bonding to us and then we would find out that she was just manipulating us because she wanted something. Her final semester of high school was great. She was all over me. Wanting to hug, putting her head on my shoulder at church and holding my hand. Wanting to do things with me all the time. "We need to bond mommy".
    Littlebit722

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 11:17 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • Cont'd..

    She's now in college and lives on campus. She's only twenty minutes away. We hear from her when she wants something. If we don't give her something that she wants, she punishes us by not answering her phone, emails etc. She'll post "digs" to us on her Facebook. Then when she's over her "pouting" stage, she'll call like nothing's wrong. Her counselor (that she doesn't see anymore because she says she doesn't need help and likes the way she is) told us that we might not have a relationship with her as she gets older. Relationships are disposable to her. If she's friends with someone and they tell her what she wants to validate her, she'll keep them around. If they don't agree with her or don't tell her what she needs to hear, she ditches them. I could go on and on. My heart is broken by the way she acts, but I'm going to have to learn that this is her and I can't change it. It's so sad!
    Littlebit722

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 11:24 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • I have worked professionally as the soical worker with children living with attatchment issues and as a therapist later on. Foster care and adoption are not the only homes to have a child living with attatchment disorders although we typically see more children diagnosed with it when they are in foster/adoption situations. I know many times the teams I have worked with have debated if RAD was a factor or if it was PTSD, a combination of both, or a combination of many other things.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 12:26 PM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • frogdawg, I believe it. I think many times there is more than one disorder going on.
    Littlebit722

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 1:18 PM on Nov. 7, 2009

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