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Hi I need advbice on getting my daughter to be more sociable with girls her age.?

She needs friends , She does have class mates she talks to but she needs friends. to go out with. And she is so shy that She cant seem to make the first move. the girls are different in high school she's in 9th grade. 13 yrs old will be 14 nov.30th. I know she wants to have friends she told me so. She did field hockey ,the girls like her. I just think she needs more communication and she's not sure how to go about it cause shes so shy. so can somebody please help my daughter get through this..
she really is upset with this situation.Thanks to any body who can give me some kind of advice. in advance.

 
incarnita

Asked by incarnita at 9:59 AM on Nov. 7, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 14 (1,386 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • You want your 9th grader to go out? With her friends? At that age, the family was the only people my children went out with unless they went with another family of our choosing. I know that society is pushing our children to grow up more quickly, but I really think you should be just encouraging her to be a child and enjoy her life as is. It sounds to me like she has lots of friends already. The wrong kind of friends can be very influential at the age she now is. Remember too that it's more important to be a friend than to have one. So concentrate on teaching her how to be a friend, and she will eventually have plenty of them.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:21 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • My son is the same way and he is in 12 th grade, but he seems fine. I know this sounds crazy but maybe have her start a facebook account. You can monitor it or become her friend. Many shy kids find it more comfortable to talk on facebook than in person. She can be frinds with kids that she know from school and are in her grade. Once she starts talking to kids on facebook, she will become more comfortable talking to them in school.
    staceynoel

    Answer by staceynoel at 10:09 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • I have EXACTLY the same thing going on. she has her facebook/ myspace/texting friends but when it comes time for playing or doing things she is left out. I also have a 10th grade daughter who is simaler but not quite as bad. Our best bet is to keep them in structured groups, clubs and such as much as we can. I am somewhat at a loss myself!!!
    chefjen

    Answer by chefjen at 10:24 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • She may have an introverted personality. This is something she can't change. Introverts and extroverts brains are wired differently. Introverts process their emotions, thoughts, and observations internally. They need to think before responding and by that time the conversation may have moved on. They can focus their attention for longer periods of time.

    Introverts get their energy from within and may find being in groups draining. After a day of being with people they may feel exhausted and drained.

    Read more: http://psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/the_introvert#ixzz0WBzvyjsn
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 10:42 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • I wouldent worry about it too much. I hope that my dd will stay close to dh and I at 13-16. As long as she knows how to interact w/other girls and boys I think that is what matters. You can't change her disposition. She is going to have to learn how to navaigate the social world on her own and "find her voice" as most ppl who are shy have to do. I think a facebook account or my space is a really good idea BUT check in it all the time. GL to you both:)
    momthruivf

    Answer by momthruivf at 10:48 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • Does she have a phone with texting? That might help her stay in the loop, if she has a number she can give out. It seems to be like a running conversation, and you want her in on it. My teenage daughter texts a lot, she is an introvert, but has a pretty good social life.
    I know what you mean - my son is very introverted and I would like him to socialize more.
    Lovey1234

    Answer by Lovey1234 at 11:18 AM on Nov. 7, 2009

  • I was the same way but eventually i made close friends who i still talk to and i was about 16 17 when i made them but it was worth the wait Dont push her to make friends and when she needs someone be there for her. Friendship will come it sucks being shy sometimes ,but she will make the best of friends
    michellej135

    Answer by michellej135 at 12:51 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • One of my daughters simply doesn't "work" at friendships. She has a few friends, and they are the true blue loyal kind. But it's still good to have a bigger social crowd to 'hang with' at football, or meet up with at a dance, etc. Here's how we're working on it: 1) she has instructions to LOOK EVERYONE IN THE EYES, 2) She is supposed to start one conversation every day with someone, 3) We occasionally ask her if she has contacted her friends from a previous school kind of like we would ask her if she has her homework done (and add the same, 'you'd better do it tonight or tomorrow' pressure) 4) We ask her days before a game or school event if she's thinking about plans to meet anyone at the event. Get the idea? It's basically encouragement, but on par with pushing chores, or homework -- it's gotta be done.
    cutiemoose

    Answer by cutiemoose at 10:27 AM on Nov. 11, 2009