Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Can this really happen?

I have been going through court to determine custody of my daughter for almost a year now. We have had an evaluation by a guardian ad litem and it was under her recommendation that I have sole legal custody of my daughter. This was her belief because of domestic abuse and my ex's refusal to keep communication to email only. We were set to go to trial( after he gave in on physical custody) to argue for her legal custody. The ONLY point he is trying to get across is that he wants her baptized. He is Lutheran and I am Pagan. We used to both agree that if our daughter wants to do this when she is older, she can, but that it would be HER choice. I tried to say that if it is that important to him, he could baptize her, but only if he agrees I get full legal. Well, this was going to be the agreement until we went to court and he saw he'd have a sympathetic judge.
So here is my question,
If after court, and the testimony of FOUR

Answer Question

Asked by Ravensong at 10:34 AM on Nov. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Witnesses to his abuse( including an ex girlfriend whom he attempted to kidnap) the judge still grants joint legal custody, what can I do?? I am really worried that this is going to come down to religion as they tried to paint me as a 'weirdo'. I feel that if I was jewish, or Muslim, or anything else that it wouldn't have even gone to trial. Anyone know anything about this?

    Answer by Ravensong at 10:37 AM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • i understand your pagan, but back centuries ago dindt pagans also have a place in the christian world, which includes baptism....... just let her be baptized. its not going to affect any religion she decides to follow in her adult life....

    Answer by jlouise03 at 11:15 AM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • I offered it to him. He turned me down. The thing is that he doesn't want to have her baptized for the right reasons. He is not involved in any church, and has even told me before that he thinks it's dumb. He's using it to try and make me look 'evil' and weird. His beliefs on baptism are that once you have been baptized, you 'belong' to that church or faith like they own you. I don't want him doing that to her. It's just another way for him to control his 'property'.

    Answer by Ravensong at 11:22 AM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • Baptism has nothing to do with "owning" by the church or the person. Some people believe that unless as child/person has been baptized they can't go to Heaven. All religions are different in their beliefs so please, don't make it about religion. A lot of judges go by the best interest of the child, and that is usually to have both parents involved in their lives on a regular basis. I'm not sure what you can do at this point if the judge has ruled really. I'm "Christian" so I am for baptism if a person chooses that (catholics believe infants shouldd be baptized and that's okay with me), so I don't know why you argued the baptism anyways. They do not, repeat do NOT own you if you're baptized in their church. It does make you a member of their church tho which does have it's good points.
    Best interst of the child is what helped him, not the pagan thing.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:45 AM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • Oh I know this, HE is the one that thinks it will mean she is owned. When we were together I offered to go to church with him if he wanted to take her, said he could have her baptized if it really meant that much to him. He said no to all of these things. NOW that we are going to trial and he is trying to look good in the eyes of the court, he is making it an issue. My question is if this ends up being a deciding factor in determining her legal custody, is this ethical? Please don't automatically assume that because I am Pagan I am anti- baptism or that he is doing what is in her best interest. Side note that might help you to understand why this is an issue is his long history of abuse including threats with knives, and multiple counts of attempted kidnapping, as well as a history of neglect of our child that has severely limited his visitation time with her.

    Answer by Ravensong at 12:00 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.