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What the hell is wrong with my husband...?

My husband is really starting to piss me off. When he plays outside with our daughter, they draw with chalk on the sidewalk. Never fails every time, he draws very morbid things like people hanging from trees. I tell him to stop drawing those things with our daughter & he never listens to me.

When he plays with her, he makes the toys say things like "I hate you" and has them initiate violence. Our daughter is at the age where she needs to learn how you are supposed to act around other people and how to make friends. He is undoing everything I am trying to teach her. Not to mention I don't want the word "hate" in her vocabulary. When I play with her, it's respectful. When he plays with her there is emphasis on violence.

It seems like he lacks any capacity to understand what is appropriate and inappropriate play for a toddler, despite my best efforts to explain it to him. How do I get him to stop? What is WRONG with him?!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Nov. 8, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • Get the hose ready.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:01 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • well on the PLUS side he is spending tons of quality time with your daughter. he's obviously trying to relate to her, be silly, make her laugh, etc in my opinion. ease up a little? he's playing with her and very actively involved.... do more with the THREE of you together so he can learn more gentle play firsthand
    hibbingmom

    Answer by hibbingmom at 1:02 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • He sound youngand immature. Tell him to grow up.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 1:04 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • Hibbing, he is NOT spending tons of time with her. It's rare that he actually plays with her. It usually takes some prompting. I simply do not want my daughter to start saying "I hate you". I don't care if her pirates have sword fights or whatever, it's the things my husband says when the toys are 'fighting'. I don't think drawing people hanging themselves is appropriate for a 2 year old to see and it's creepy as hell to look out the window at the cute toddler chalk drawings and see THAT on the sidewalk.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • Louise2, I have told him to grow up and lol I'm not kidding, he said "YOU grow up" back.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:07 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • Wow. That's really inappropriate. If he won't stop I'd take the toys. I'd tell him "you can play tag, and run aroudn the yard and stuff like that, but your'e not playing with toys any more because you are teaching our daughter to be violent."

    Boys play these kinds of games when they are growing up. Boys are destructive and violent lol. He's being a normal boy, but he's a grown man, and needs to learn how to play with little kids.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 1:13 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • He sounds immature, but it's nothing to laugh about. Your daughter IS very impressionable right now, and she doesn't need that. It needs to stop NOW. Maybe telling him he can't do those things with her until he stops will work. Find something they can do together that will not result in the things you don't like. More importantly, find out WHY he is into those things, and why he seems to not care about doing them around her. That can be dangerous.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:23 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • Maybe it's time to take him out of the picture. If he is a walking ball of immaturity and hatred how can that be good for either you or your daughter? What kind of grown man says or does things like that with children or just in general. Something is wrong with him and he needs counseling or some sort of help. He sounds like a disturbed man.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:40 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • What boys play like that? I have 4 sons and they were NEVER allowed to say the word hate, they were never allowed to hit,, violence was NOT permitted and the only guns they hadd were water guns/super soakers. We NEVER allowed the expression "boys will be boys" to accept negative behavior. My husband was not allowed to use the word hate, he was not aallowed to fightt, he was raised in a non-violent atmsophere. As one of 3 boys his parents never accepted the phrase "boys will be boys". My sons learned to cook young, they had baby dolls and toy kitchens. There's notthing wrong with teaching a male to nurture and to not resort to violence. My sons are no 17, 19, 21 and 23 and they have always been complimented on how they treat others with respect and kindness. They are not "typical boys".

    As far as your so goes, I would suggest he seek professional help because he's NOT normal.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • He is being disrespectful. The two of you need to sit down and have a talk about what you both see as appropiate parenting skills. He needs to know your feelings are important to you and he is negating them. If he loves you, he will be willing to sit down and discuss things with you. If not, then you have some decisions to make don't you?
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 11:00 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

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