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Am I wrong to be reacting this way?

A close friend of ours died recently, and we are all taking it really hard. He lived about 13 hours away from us, and I feel that it will be so hard to travel over there with all 5 kids. The reason why I don't feel that all of us (my husband, myself, and the kids) should all go is because it will have to be a very short trip, and I don't think the 3 year old and 1 year old can handle being in the car for so long. So the idea of all of us going is not plausible. The other idea we came up with is that my husband catches a ride with another friend of ours who is going. That would work out great except for the fact that the friend is not coming back right away and that will make my husband miss more work (without pay, because he is out of vacation), so then my dh would have to fly back. Well the flight, one way, would be between $300 to $400 depending on how convenient my husband wants it to be. cont...


Asked by peace1234 at 1:55 PM on Nov. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Level 6 (124 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • You are right. Lesli. I am going to start planning this.

    Answer by peace1234 at 3:03 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • cont... We do have a $1000 emergency fund, but between the flight, helping with gas and money for food, it would cost around $600. I still do not have a problem with all this, because I know that regret is not worth it, and I don't want my husband to have any regrets about not making it to his friends funeral. What I do have a problem with is that my husband doesn't even WANT to look at how much money we have, he hasn't considered Christmas, and Thanksgiving, and not to mention that his family is coming in December, and we have to have food for them. He hasn't thought about how much money he is going to lose out on by missing work. That in itself is going to be alot. When I tell him all this he tries to make it sound as if I am greedy. I just sent a check out to his mom to try and help her out financially. I know that I am not greedy, am I? or is he just acting like a kid? Help me understand what is going on.

    Answer by peace1234 at 1:59 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • I recently took my 1 year old on a 3day drive (one way) to california with family and it was hard but we were prepared..... we packed a cooler full of snacks and the like and watched movies on a portable dvd player its not has hard as you may think.... go with your gut though.. you know whats plausible for your family but you also need time to mourn and going to the funeral is a big part of that. thats a lot to think about... good luck.

    Answer by AmyJoost at 2:00 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • It sounds like the grief he is experiencing is outweighing the money concerns you have. Sounds like, although you need to be careful with money, it is important for your DH to go.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 2:02 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • Sometimes when there is a death you have to make sacrifices. That may mean less on Christmas or not as much food at thanksgiving. But his friend passed away! you should ask him what he wants to do and just be supportive so you don't seem so empty towards his loss. He lost his friend and you're worried about food shopping and presents? He needs to be comforted and if taking a hit into the emergency fun is going to make things a little easier on him why nag at him about it? It just makes you look greedy and uncaring towards his lost friend.

    Answer by Shyma at 2:20 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • I don't think you're over reacting. I think you have a completely legitimate concern. Death is hard ecspecially when it's someone you love and cared for . I understand your hubby wanting to go but unfortunately he has little mouths and a family to think of. There are cheaper solutions out there that I'm sure he can look into if he's only willing to open his eyes. I don't think you look greedy at all in fact I think you look like a mother concerned about her children and making sure they are provided for.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • Thank you anonymous. I am just about to cry. I am grieving over this man too. He was just as much my friend as he was my husbands. I loved him too. I am just trying to be responsible. It took forever to save up that emergency fund and I am afraid that if we spend it we might never get it back. I keep thinking that there is a difference between a want and a need. If it was my husbands parents or our siblings then that would be a need. We would NEED to be there, but this is more of a want. I am not sure we can afford it. My problem is that my husband isn't even considering whether we can afford it or not. He wants me to be his fairy god mother and just make it possible and then I will be left to pick up the pieces.

    Answer by peace1234 at 2:46 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • I also told him that maybe we could wait till he does have some vacation (the beginning of the year) and then we can all go as a family to tell him goodbye. Granted it will just be at his grave site but that is another option. I am just trying to figure it all out... I feel so torn...

    Answer by peace1234 at 2:48 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • I have taken my kids who were 6,3 and 11 months on a 24 hour drive each way trip... all alone!!! i think that if you do proper planning its possible... if this was such a dear friend you should go. plus kids that young will most likley sleep that long in a car. you need to make you kids behave for what you need to do not let them behave so that you cant do anything or go anywhere. just my opinion though....

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 2:50 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • Thanks scaredmommy08. Maybe I do need to hear that. I was just thinking about that a minute ago. About how I almost don't want to go anywhere anymore because they are so difficult to deal with outside of the home. I will think more about it.

    Answer by peace1234 at 2:55 PM on Nov. 8, 2009