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Why does my mom want to control me?

Hi. I'm a soon to be 21 year old college student. I'm not a mom, but maybe some of you moms can help. My mom is driving me insane. For the past 20 years, I did most of what she's asked me without any question. Going to college made me realize that if I continued to do what my mom wants, I'd suffer an empty life. Maybe I'd have an automatic job or lots of money, but right now, as a single, childless young person, money for an empty life is not a good trade-off.

One thing my mom and I often fight about is my hair (we're african). "You will never ever wear your natural hair." "Yes, I will... who said you will dictate what happens to my hair?" Same goes for education. I decided to stop letting them pay for my degree so I can study both what I like and what's "practical" as a back-up, but she wasn't having that either. No matter what it is, my mom expects to be the one in control of my life. Help! Advice! I can't take it!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:25 PM on Nov. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • talk to her and let her know that you feel that it is time for her to step down and let you be yourself. she will either understand and respect your needs or you will have to be the one to take a step out of the situation

    Answer by cassie_m at 6:32 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • You will just have to put your foot down and make it perfectly clear to your mom, you are grown and will do what you want to do with your life. Do you still live at home? Some times us moms forget our kids are grown. It is hard to let go.


    Answer by louise2 at 6:33 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • move out and in with a friend...that's what i did! i left home when i was 19 a sophomore in college--paying my own way--and i never looked back! and without a child in tow you don't need much to get by, and you'll manage just fine!

    parents control when they realize they are losing control. you're your own person, embrace it, and make your own way! if your mother truly loves you and appreciates your efforts she'll come around. if not, her loss!

    life is too short not to be happy!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:37 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

  • You should be enjoying your youth,this is YOUR life. I know where you are coming from as I have a very controling Mom too and it's important to start spreading your wings now. It'll be much easier later if you have set boundries w/your mom now. It won't be easy for her though,try and remember that some of that controling behavior comes from her desire to protect her baby. Good luck. It sounds like you have a great start by taking the classes you choose. ;)

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:27 PM on Nov. 8, 2009

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