Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

is this wrong? I know this is a delicate question....

my mom freaked out and yelled at me really bad b/c a wooden spoon slipped out of my hands and fell into the cake batter and I apologized and said "sorry,I didn't mean to , do accidents never happen to you ?" and then she threatened to hit me...I got upset and told her that if she hit me I would hit her right back...i feel bad but ive been abused for a big chunk of my life and iM at the points where I'm not willing to tolerate it anymore...I know its not right to say or do that to her but she has no right to lay hands on me

Answer Question
 
A.nA

Asked by A.nA at 1:05 AM on Nov. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • No, it wasn't wrong. You were standing up for yourself. You did the right thing. She bullies you because you allow her to. Bullies only pick on people they can intimidate. If she can't intimidate you any more, then she will stop her abuse.

    I'm really sorry you're going through this. Hang in there.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 1:08 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • maybe that wasn't the best way o handle it, but i'm not sure what way is and ur mom should not be hitting you
    thenewmum

    Answer by thenewmum at 1:45 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • No, that's not wrong. I would get the f*ck out of her house. You're right. She has no right to put her hands on you. However, if she does, and you hit her back, I understand. (Two wrongs don't make a right, but it sure does feel good.)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:37 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • Your mom was wrong, but you weren't. You have every right to defend yourself if someone hits you first; I've taught my 8 & 6 yr old that. Of course, I also teach them to try to walk away, too, but if your mom has done this kind of thing to you for years, then it may be time to smack back so she gets that it needs to stop.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:39 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • You were both wrong, but there is an old saying that "two wrongs don't make a right." You are probably both pretty wounded, but that doesn't mean that you can't get along with one another. Your relationship with your mom is well worth preserving, so try to learn to not be so reactive when she yells at you. You can speak up for yourself and still be respectful of her as your mom. There is an old saying that "Hurting people hurt other people." But you can break the cycle. Your mom has more than likely had hurts in her own life which she has never gotten over. My mom did. The sad thing about it was I didn't learn about my mom's hurts until after she had died. So try to look past her bad behavior and love her just because she is your mom. You will probably find that she will respond to you in a much kinder, understanding way. We don't always love people because they deserve to be loved; we love them because we choose to
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:15 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • 2 wrong dont make a right, but she didnt hit her mom, she said she would defend herself... and defending yourself against someone who would hit you over mistakenly dropping a spoon IS right. OP- dont feel bad, it isnt like you actually hit her, you have every right to say to your kids, if someone hurts you, fight back, that is what you are saying you will do, -- fight back --- as you should!
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 8:50 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • She obviously has lack of respect for other human beings if it is that easy for her to threaten to hurt you. Don't be like her. I would have just called her a disrespecful bitch & walked away.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:39 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • It sounds like your mom over-reacted to you dropping a spoon in the cake batter, but then you escalated it with your remark to her (especially if you had any tone in your voice). No one should be hitting or threatening to hit anyone. Unfortunately, as long as you live in her house, you have to behave respectfully....whether you feel she deserves it or not (I'm not saying she's earned it by her behavior...I don't know). The bottom line, in her own home, she has the right to be treated with respect. She should treat you with respect as well. I don't know if she had any underlying reason to behave the way she did about the spoon...bad day, headache, other things going on....or maybe she's just impatient, or even mean. Hopefully, you'll learn how you don't want to treat your daughter. In the meantime, if you're in her home, you should be respectful.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:06 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • Apparently, none of you have been the subject of the schoolyard bully. My mom told me for YEARS to ignore them, that two wrongs don't make a right, that if I didn't let it bother me they would stop. WRONG. Because by not standing up for myself I was showing them that I was a perfect target.

    Abusers are the same way. They target people who won't stand up for themselves, who they can dominate easily. You know what happened the day I decided I wasn't going to put up with the bullies' shit any more? I slammed a kid up against a locker by his throat and told him if he pushed me around again I'd hurt him. I got called names and threatened and bullied for all of another week before they gave up and moved on.

    It doesn't matter whose home you're in, no one should ever have to put up with being abused. If I come to your home and you threaten me I'll stand up for myself, period.

    OP, you did no wrong.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 11:21 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • She very obviously has anger problems and you were right to defend yourself. I kind of have to wonder why anyone would think this kind of relationship is worth preserving. She is abusive and I have yet to see an abuser, man or woman, change. I don't know if you live with her or were just visiting but I'd suggest severly limiting contact with her. No one, not a husband, boyfriend, or blood relative has the right to hit you. But you have every right to defend yourself.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 11:32 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN