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Keeping info from the other parent?

I found a pack of cigarettes in my 13 year old sd's backpack. She knows I found them and is trying to downplay it so I won't make a huge deal about it. We talked yesterday and she asked me to help her get on birth control. I had no idea what to say to her at all . Her mom is out of the picture. I. Just don't know what to do, do I take her, keep it between us? Tell dh about it? He would be upset very upset to know she is sexually active at 13, not to mention her smoking too.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Nov. 9, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • He is her father, of course. But give your SDD a cooling off period. Send her on errands or over to a friend or relatives house for enough time for your hubby to calm down after the shock. Then she comes home and deals with her Father. She is using, she knows better. She needs to deal with her Father on these type issues. If she wants you in the room when she gets a pap or is worried about her cycle or lost a good friend or boyfriend, that's more you. Also she is putting you in a very bad situation, keep her secret and lose hubby's trust or tell and lose hers. Not fair to you. I would make sure she knows that and that she needs to talk to her father.

    DevilInPigtails

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 10:27 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • If she was my child, I would want to know...
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:07 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • You have to tell.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 10:07 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • Tell him everything! Even if you tell him its a secret and not to tell her you told him. Otherwise it could come back on you. What if she gets pregnant and says it's because the birth control you got her didnt work, and she says it in front of her dad. Just tell him. Its not good to keep secrets, they always come back to bite you.
    Shyma

    Answer by Shyma at 10:08 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • It's his daughter. You, as an adult, have an obligation to tell him. You are not her friend. You are an adult.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:09 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • You have to pick your battles when it comes to this kind of thing. If it was me, I would tell him about the cigarettes.Smoking is a horrible habit you don't want her to have.
    On the birth control issue I would take her definitely, it would be much better to have 13 year old on birth control than it would to have a pregnant 13 year old. I would have some serious talks with her though, sounds like she is trying to grow up too fast.
    BlainesMommy09

    Answer by BlainesMommy09 at 10:11 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • Please also talk to her about the dangers of smoking combined with birth control pills. There is an increased risk of high blood pressure and stroke.
    RoostersMom4

    Answer by RoostersMom4 at 10:11 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • I completely get the wanting to build trust and a good relationship. but sorry to say just from reading this, it looks like shes trying to play on her situation, not telling her dad is potential to mess with your marriage/relationship...its NOT worth it. she is a CHILD she must learn from her mistakes and her dad has a right to be part of the decision making process. if i were you i would explain why its important to put her on birthcontrol. and both of you talk to her about WAITING!
    sweetstkissez22

    Answer by sweetstkissez22 at 10:12 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • I think he deserves to know. But you should request he not make a big deal about it and have him get all his feelings out on you before even thinking about talking to the daughter (does that make sense? Don't want him to yell at the daughter for growing up. He can talk to her, but just make sure he's clam and rational! :) ). Did she say why she wanted the birth control? I mean, was she really willing to open up to you? Becuase that's great! But if she's not comfortable talking to her dad, I still think he should know what's going on with her life. Sometimes it's not easy to talk, but it still needs to happen.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:18 AM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • If she was my kid I would be super mad if you didnt tell me. I think its horrible that you are wanting to put this child on birth control and not talk to her father about it. That is wrong. He would be no more pissed about going on birth control than if she were to come home pregnant, and you should not be the one that gets to make that decision. Sorry but you are a step parent, its not your decision.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:18 AM on Nov. 9, 2009