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I'm hurting and need some words of encouragement

growing up i never felt loved..i suffered from depression.my father molested me and my mother treated me like shit.never really had many relationship becuz i was afraid of being hurt.I was a lil younger that 17 when i met who i thought was the love of my life..he was 7 years older than me ,he made me fell loved and i let everything go with him.he told me that whatever happened he would always be there. i got pregnant at 18 and everything changed.i never saw him while i was pregnant and seen him 1 a month if that when the baby came.i'm stuck takin care of her by myself.he goes out and party does whatever he wants and doesnt even care.i have to begg to get money out of him and its never more than 160 a month..it hurts because im struggling and hes out having the time of his life..and i feel so stupid because i still love him even tho i know we are through..please help me

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Nov. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • OH honey, I'm so so so sorry :[ I'm sure you just feel like you need to be loved by someone. Maybe not this dirtbag of a man, but for you it's someone. Try getting in touch with a women's shelter. Or go to WIC office and they can help you out. I know this seems far off, but there IS someone out there who will treat you good! Don't settle!! I'm sorry youre going through this, but stay positive, leave that jerk, and get in contact with a help center.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • AND since he is the father, when you go to a women's center, you can get set up with child support so that asshole HAS to pay you!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • Hun, you need to pick yourself up and start making a new life for yourself. Your life is just beginning, don't let your background and bad affairs keep you down. There is someone out there for you and your little girl, you are worthy of someone to love and be loved. Discard this looser from your life altogether and start new without him, life is too short to live it unhappily, look for happiness elsewhere, it is out there waiting for you! But before all of this can happen, you must learn to love yourself first.
    older

    Answer by older at 2:35 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • Well I do not know what to say, other than I am so sorry. If you need to feel loved, look at your child. they love you unconditionally, just like God. Try going to a church for help, as well as court for child support. you should not be the only one taking care of financial needs, you were not the only one who made that baby. Keep you head high, do not let that man or any other know that they have affected you in any way, that is what they want. Be strong for your baby, show it the love you want. I am sure that the right person is out there that will love you for you. But you have to love yourself first to find that right person. Do not lean on others to make you happy. Keep your head high and pray. That is the only thing that pulled me out of my bad times. I will keep you in my prayers as well. God Bless and Good Luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:38 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • You gave away the most precious part of yourself, hoping to receive love in return because that is what he promised you. He lied, and now you and your baby are paying the price for your having believed him. My heart goes out to you, but I am even more concerned for your baby. Your baby needs a daddy and the one you chose for her is worthless. Probably the best thing you could do would be to look into putting your baby up for adoption and go back to school and get an education so that you can at least provide for yourself. This is the part of unmarried motherhood that young women can't understand until they have had to experience it. It's the women who are always left to make all the decisions while the guys go on with their carefree lives. It is highly doubtful that he will ever change. He will more than likely do to some other girl what he has done for you. Just learn from this and never repeat it. Wait for marriage
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:46 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • I appreciate your concern for my child but adoption is not an option.. I love her way to much to let her go..i am a great mother and i give her all the love and care that i can.she's healthy and i'm taking how people treated me and changing it with her ..i will be in school and jan a college actually where i will be taking her .i do all i can so she wont go through what i went through . Im hurting because i trusted someone who never really had the right intentions in the first place..i'm tired of these weak ass men out here that think that since you carryed the child you should be the one to take care of it. it hurts because for once i thought i was finally gonna have something i never had a family ..thats the problem...its keeping me from everybody but my child and i wanna get out of this funk
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:58 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • I was in your shoes before. I had a great family but i had soemting happen to me that caused my self esteem to be knocked down. I fell for a guy 6yrs older than me who i thought would take care of and be there for me. I had my dd and he kept right on drinking and partying. Be glad you found out his true character now before you wasted anymore time on him. Work hard to build your life and your childs life. You dont need a man to be happy. Give to yourself everything you are searching for in a man. love yourself and make the life you want. Get nvolved in a church and build a support system. Sometimes you can find someone to trade babysitting with. Work on you and all your past issues and only then will you be whole enough to get involved with a man. YOu cna do this!! I have been alone for 4 1/2 yrs and i have just in the past 6months met someone great..seems like i did it a long time on my own but it is sooo worth it!!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 3:16 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • It's great you are going to go to college.

    You need to go to counseling. You are at risk for getting into relationships that you believe are love and getting yourself in trouble again. All a man has to do is say he loves you and fool you for awhile and he has you. You say you still love this man that has done you wrong. Learn to love yourself and then love a good man.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 3:33 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • First off go to the state and let them determine child support and let them collect it so you know it will be consistent or he goes to jail. I'm sorry he turned out to be a jerk but concentrate on you. Maybe you can get a grant and go to school, get a career and find a nice guy. Many states offer day care help so check into that too.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:03 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • This is such a hard situation and I can tell you that because I too have lived through it. When you are mistreated as we were as children, it makes it so hard to know who you really can trust, because after all....the very people that were put on this earth to care for you treated you badly. So I know where you are coming from. I also got with the first man that showed an interest in me because I was looking for love...although I later determined that he was just doing the same as family had. Abusing me, he was much older and knew better and it took me a while to figure that out and to divorce him. I encourage you to seek counseling, I know that it has really changed my life considerably. I learned that all of the reasons that I felt I had to have such bad feelings about myself really had nothing to do with ME, but were a direct result of the terribly choices of other people. Many pastors offer counseling for free.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:22 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

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