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Why is it that women seem more hostile than friendly?

Anytime I try to make friends with another woman, it seems to me I have to pass some sort of judgement - and I often fail, apparently - and women overall seem very catty and aloof to me. Yet I hear women complain they have few friends, and see very few women at school events whom you can tell stand and converse with friends, not acquainatance moms, you know? I just don't know if it's ME, or something in society, or them! I'm very confused and don't know how to make a friend of another woman IRL with this sort of atmosphere. Anyone out there feel the same? Get the same undercurrent of judement and cattiness? What's causing it you think? Any ideas?


Asked by Anonymous at 5:37 PM on Jun. 24, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • I think women in general tend to be catty, I've never had more then 2 friends at a time.  I'm friendly to everyone, I'll say hello or compliment a woman if I like her hair, clothes, shoes etc but some seem to can't do the same. Its almost as if they are jealous if they see that you keep yourself up. With being a military wife and traveling from place to place I find myself always wanting to have friends but some just don't want to be my friend because I'm young and not trying to be full of myself but I stay looking nice. I don't even worry myself anymore about it, if  I can have one friend that's good enough for me, I think its better to keep your circle small if not you'll have nothing but drama. As grown as we are women still like to click up like its f**king highschool.

    Answer by kira25 at 10:08 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • This is only a guess.....You could have serious personality flaws. You could be one of those people who's life is all screwed up because of your own bad chioces and mistakes and refuses to do anything about your own behavior to correct your life and whines about it all the time. OR you could be one of those totally hot looking skinny as hell women who is more into how she looks and dresses and are tying to make friends with women who are overweight and dont feel as pretty as you look. It could be you smell funny, overshare your personal or sex life....SOO many things offent "new" friends i'ts too long a subject to go into here All I can say is you have to BE a friend to HAVE a friend.

    Answer by vbruno at 6:09 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • What you apparently didn't understand was that I saw that MANY WOMEN seem to not have friends, and often complain about it, both on here and IRL - and my my , don't we have insecurities leaking out in your answer?

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:12 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • omg I feel the same way..I totally understand how you feel. I have 2 friends and one lives in L.A. and the other in MINNESOTA...I miss them so much..but the something appends to me when i try to have friends..donut feel bad :)

    Answer by ciliapitt at 6:29 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • omg please don't listen to the first answer..that is so can you say that...even if it's just a guess, it a mean one :(

    Answer by ciliapitt at 6:31 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • To be honest with you, I do not believe that anyone man or woman has as many friends as they say they do. I have this talk with the two women whom I call friends. For one, women in general are judgemental. For two, women do not trust women. I don't trust too many women not even some women I'm related to. For three, THere is nothing wrong with you, you are human and you are being careful. Just because there is a group of moms standing together talking, it may be because their kids are friends. There is no such thing as a person with a bunch of friends. Celebrities even say that. The word "friends" just gets thrown around so easily.

    Answer by Queentdi at 7:25 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • Gosh yet another pissy response from vbruno. I have never seen such a mean women.
    I have a handful of females I am really good friends with. 2 of them are my sisters & the rest I have known for years. Women seem to bring ou tthe worst in each other way to often.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:36 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • this is the same talk i had with my SL, she is upset for the same reasons. here is what i told her. you can have all the friends in the would( or ones they who say that they are) but as long as you have that one friend who will come to you all hours of the night bc your upset or you need her by your side. the one who will drop everything to come running to help you, then you have all the friend in the world that you need. most people not have as many as they say they do. in fact most people prob only have 1 or 2 real friends. I myself only have one. but thats ill i need bc i know she will always be there for me even if i have mad her mad. she is still there.

    Answer by kbear at 9:31 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • honestly, I understand exactly how you feel. I decided early on that I would separate myself from the "highschool" type people in this world and so far so good! I joined a mommy group in search of friends for myself and my dd. I've only had a problem with one girl < cough > bitch  < cough > For whatever reason she wanted to hate me and mistreat me. I confronted her, she retreated to talk garbage to the other mommies, which in the end landed her the outsider! I took the high road and said nothing to anyone about any of it and I look like the grand person < pats self on the back >If you don't expect "anything" out of people you'll be surprised what you get. (it works the opposite if you expect people to be a certain way or do certain things, as well) Oh, I guess I should mention that some women just want to judge people; it makes them feel good... you don't want to be friends with them anyway...

    Answer by MommyToRylee at 9:46 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • this is what i thnk...all of us women can get a little jealous at times like me for example i think i'm cutest thing at the get together but as soon as another woman comes in the picture i'm wondering is she better than me??? so really to me its all competition...some women won't talk to you because of that others because they dnt trust...i personally do not trust people there are so mny fake people out there its insane my own family backstabbed me so y trust? now i do have my best friend i have known since 4th grade and having her is all i need....idk if it answered ur ? or not but thats my two cents lolz

    Answer by LuLu614 at 9:52 PM on Jun. 24, 2008