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If you found out your husband was cheating, how far would you go to find out the whole truth about the affair?

I just recently found out that my husband had a "verbal" affair( I guess that's what I would call it). He claims that he only talked to the woman on the phone, but it went on for about a month. I'm not sure I believe him. I have already caught him in a few lies about the situation, but how deep should I dig? I'm just curious how other women would handle the situation.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:19 PM on Nov. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • An affair is an affair. That would be enough information for me. I wouldn't buy into any crap saying it was just a phone affair. Who the hell does he think he's kidding? Seriously.
    nicolemstacy

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 8:22 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • i would say i was going out for the evening with the girls and really set up a spy date with a girlfriend and see what he does for the night....take the kids so he dont have to deal with them..say you are taking them to "disney on ice or some crap"...he will have plenty of time to cheat if he is going to.

    leave the kids with a different friend...dont take them on your spy date.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:30 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • I guess it depends. Do you want to save your marriage? If so, you need the whole situation aired out and should find out the whole story. If you are leaving him...then I guess it depends on if you intend to sue for custody and/or property. Having a REAL physical affair will help you out on that front. If you don't intend to let things get that ugly...then let it go. Move on. (If you haven't threatened to leave, do that until he tells you everything and see if that gets him talking.)
    ErinHill226

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 8:33 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • I would say dig until you don't think you can take it anymore.. you have to stop and ask yourself how much knowledge of this you can live with. I say this because if you were going to leave him, you already would have. so obviously you can live with the knowledge of a verbal affair. but what would you do if you kept digging and found out it was a sexual affair? You just have to be ready for whatever you are digging for
    december911

    Answer by december911 at 8:35 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • I am so sorry you are going through this, I just went through this myself. Turned out that my husband was not happy, he cheated on me with three different women in three different months. I wanted sooo much to believe that we were working on things when he was not. I felt like I was run over by a truck. If you feel like it has been more, then follow your gut. You know how your life runs together and if it has been drastically changed in X amount of time, you can only expect that it has been much deeper than he is telling you. Please don't bash yourself because this is NOT your fault. He made a decision, and personally I wanted to know everything. So you have to make the decision for yourself, if he has not been completely transparent (open phone, email and facebook or myspace accounts or other contacts) then you can only expect that it will continue. In my case I gave my DH a choice....Cont-
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:38 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • I'd obsess over it until I ended up calling the other woman only to have her tell me the truth and they have been sleeping together. I thanked her for her honesty and never took anything he said at face value again. At least that's what I did when I found husband(ex now) had a myspace account that I didn't know about and some girl sent him like 15 messages a day. He swore they were just talking, but I knew something was up, so I got it straight from her mouth. She didn't even know he was married.

    Do what you have to. If he wants to fix it he will, there is hope. Go to counseling too, even if he doesn't want to. I have friends and family that have made it, but he really has to make it work. He needs to understand your trust has been shattered and allow you the time it'll take to heal.
    camiam81

    Answer by camiam81 at 8:38 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • Cont- or change you email, your phone number, ALL your contact information. STOP going out and if the lying didn't stop and I still felt like the cheating was going on then I was ready to walk out for good. This is a steep, disgusting, and emotionally ruining hill you are about to walk and if I were you I would want to know EVERYTHING. You deserve the truth, and he should be man enough to own up to his mistakes and responsibilities in this life, your vows and your children and make the better decision. Again, I can not tell you how sorry I am that you are where I was six months ago...I would not wish this on my worst enemy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...........That is the only thing that will satisfy you. He needs to rebuild your trust and that won't happen if their is a single lie standing between you.
    WindyTheWidow

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 9:09 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • A "verbal affair?" Sorry but I think he is full os $hit!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:32 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • Well, if I found out, I really wouldn't care about the details because there would be no "us" left. That would be the end of "us".. then and there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:12 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

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