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How to decline a baby shower invite?

Well, hubby and I have been ttc (baby #2) for 21 months with no luck. I have been feeling worse and worse lately and I am to the point where I cannot even LOOK at a pregnant lady in the store, let alone pregnant family members. Well, I have a baby shower coming up soon that I am supposed to attend. It is my husbands' cousin and she lives out of town. However, we will be going to where she lives because we will be going for Thanksgiving and they are having the shower that weekend so more family will be there. I am happy for her (well, as happy as I can anyway) but I feel like if I go, I will simply loose it. I do not want to make any type of "scene". I just honestly don't think I can stand to see all of that baby stuff , especially since I recently got rid of my 3 year olds baby stuff (it took a while for reality to set in). How can I nicely decline the invite without sounding like a total b*tch? Ever experience this while ttc?

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Asked by Jen110786 at 11:35 PM on Nov. 9, 2009 in Trying to Conceive

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Answers (21)
  • Wow that is a tough question. Spend the weekend christmas shopping and send a gift.

    Answer by ambernicole531 at 11:37 PM on Nov. 9, 2009

  • Are you close with your mil or another female relative on that side of the family? If so, maybe you could talk to them before the trip and explain to them that as much as you love "X" (whatever pg cousin's name is), and as happy as you are for her, you're afraid that you won't be able to attend the shower. Tell them it's not because you aren't happy for her, but that because of the difficulty you're having conceiving right now you aren't sure that you would be able to not let your sadness show, and you don't want your sadness to ruin what should be a joyous time for her.

    Then ask her for her help with this. Give her some money and ask her to buy a gift from you. When the time comes for the shower, then you can be "not feeling very well", and aren't sure if you're coming down with something, so chose to stay away, rather than risk it around the mom to be. Have her take your gift and send your regrets.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:10 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • cont

    You can stay at whatever house you're visiting, or in your hotel room, or whatever, or you could slip out and go to a movie, shop, whatever would keep your mind off the shower (as much as it can be).

    Because your relative will know the truth, if anyone pushes the issue, or wants to go check on you, or whatever, she can discretely pull them aside and explain that while you're happy for the mom to be, it just makes your yearning for a baby even worse, and you didn't want your pain to ruin her day, so you stayed away - NOT because you don't love her and are happy for her, but because you ARE, and don't want to do anything to make this day less than perfect for her.

    Nobody with any compassion will be able to fault you if it's explained in this way!

    Hugs to you, and I hope you conceive soon!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:14 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Thanks ladies.

    Answer by Jen110786 at 5:56 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I know how you feel all too well. I always go. I put on a smile, act as happy as I can, and hold it all in until I get home. Ive been ttc for two years and there have been A LOT of births among my friends and family. sigh.

    Answer by sunfreezeinmi at 7:38 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • I am sure it is tough & hope I am never in that same boat but if you have been blessed with one child already, then I don't know why you would not go. I might could seeit if you didn't have any children. You need to put aside your harsh feelings and do what is right!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:24 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • Don't decline now. Send a card with a gift card along with another attending relative and say you don't feel well. Sick with baby sadness sounds like an illness to me. ((HUGS))

    Answer by karamille at 8:25 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • OP - do you see Anon 8:24's post? that is why I wouldn't tell the expecting mother (or her family) about your actual feelings. People who haven't been there do not get it. Just say you are sick when the day rolls around.

    Answer by karamille at 8:29 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • I like sailwifenmom's answer. Send a nice gift and a card that expresses your happiness for her but don't go if it's too hard for you and you feel like you can't hide your emotions.

    I know it has to be very hard for you. You are so blessed with the little one you have now. Give your three year-old lots of hugs and hang in there! I am sure the expecting mother will understand how you are feeling.

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:59 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • You've already been blessed with one child, evidently, or else you wouldn't be here on CM. Put on your happy face and suck it up and be an adult. You can be mature for two hours and then go pout. You may do more harm than good if you skip.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:04 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

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