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What if your DH and your parenting doesn't mix

I strongly dislike spanking, DH is for it. DH thinks 6 presents under the tree should be enough. I think holidays are about the child's happiness and 6 presents arent enough when we can afford to do better. DH thinks that if a child does something to harm itself it will just know better next time. I don't expect a 3 year old to get that. It's causing serious tention right now. Any advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:48 PM on Nov. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • counciling, those are pretty major issues
    gypsymama532

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 12:26 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • give him a list of options better than spanking- or take a positive parenting class with him- we are in one now and it is wonderful for suggestions on getting the kids to listen without physical violence.

    6 presents is actually a fair number and you dont want to set your kids up for heartbreak if one year you cant do as well- go with him on that, i would anyway.

    you can warn a child about a danger and if he stil does it make sre he knows he is hurt because of what he did - kids are smart they will figure it out.

    Talk to him about your parenting stressers before you go into a situation where you have to make a decision whenever possible.
    Jezture

    Answer by Jezture at 12:26 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • The presents thing sounds reasonable, but maybe if you set an amount you are going to spend on her DH wouldnt feel like you are going overboard.

    The spanking thing I dont like either. You two need to sit down and talk. Maybe he just dosent know other ways to discipline? Take a favorite thing away as a consequence. If you tell her ahead of time what the consequence will be if she dosent listen and mind then it will only take a couple times of this.


    As far as the child getting hurt and learning a lesson he is right to a point. You have to let them learn and you cant always be there to rescue her from falling or whatever. But if you are keeping the poison out of reach and not letting her play in the street I dont see an issue here. I hope that makes sense.
    stickyfingers

    Answer by stickyfingers at 12:57 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • As far as the spanking goes, maybe find a compromise. Like three strikes before a spanking. Strikes just meaning mistakes not being hit.

    As far as the gift giving goes... Here's the thing. I grew up like you did. However, I wish with all my heart I had done otherwise. You are all doing great now, but you can't assume that will always be the case. There might come a time in your life where due to illness, job loss, or other circumstances you can't have "big holidays" anymore. Also remember that if you have family, they will most likely get your child gifts too.

    You could try to compromise on this too. Like if you get a child a doll, then the clothes and accessories (wrapped separately) count as one, but would be more in reality.
    Lesli

    Answer by Lesli at 1:06 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • This is usually why people discuss these issues before they get married and have kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • You compromise and come up with a solution that benefits the child....sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes we feel that our way is right. We don't understand or care to think about why the other person's ideas differs from ours. But learning to communicate and getting a full understanding is important in raising a child. Sometimes you won't agree on how to handle situations but while the child is young, learn ways to hear each other and co-parent together.
    treasured_hope

    Answer by treasured_hope at 1:54 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I agree with anon on this. How did you not know that he believed in spanking as a punishment? Or that he had a laissez- faire parenting attitude when it came to them learning by hard knocks? For christs sakes I was seventeen when I started dating my husband and we talked over all of these sorts of issues before we got married at eighteen. There isn 't much you can do other then try to compromise on some things like you don't think spanking is a good idea so you won't do that but you will defer to his opinion on christmas presents and that you will stop the child from hurting themselves X amount of times before you let them leearn the hard way. Or you can take a parenting class, what ever you do though these issues need to be talked over and sorted out soon or else you will have plenty of marital strife to deal with.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:53 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

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