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how do i deal with this?

I'm newly married (july 1st 2009) and DH has a son with one of the biggest witches I've ever met. Well we had our baby boy in May and I have HER number in my phone and after DS was born I sent out a mass text to everyone & accidentally sent it to her. So what does she do she sends a pic of my stepson's 1st haircut to my DH the same day! We don't live close and don't get to see him very often but was that really necessary? Oh and she wants the boys to know each other b/c they're brothers which I'm fine with but then when we take our baby up to see him she acts as if her son is soo much better and she seems like she's trying to compete. What's up with this? Argh I can't stand her but I'm trying so hard to be nice for DH's sake because after all it is his son. But how do I deal with her?

 
bjw_053109

Asked by bjw_053109 at 2:03 AM on Nov. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (33 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I agree with the first poster, even after you explained yourself. By sending that picture, she wanted to remind your b/f that he also has another child, and not to forget about him. That child (your stepson) didn't ask to be brought into this situation, so if I were you I wouldn't go make a big deal out of this for the sake of an innocent child. I realize this is your first baby and you're excited and a little jealous that someone tried to steal your thunder at your precious moment, but that baby momma thinks her son is precious too, and wants to make sure daddy still thinks so. I don't think this is a hit against you, so don't take it personally.
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 7:58 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • She is having a normal response to the new baby. In a way she feels her son may get overlooked, Honestly I dont think it is about her at all it is her mother bear instincts coming out and doing what she can to preserve her sons place. Just continue to be nice and try to include your step child as much as possible. Also try to picture your self in her situation and think about what your feelings would be and what would make you feel more at ease then use that to try and work on a relationship with her.

    Growing up in my family where we were very blended it helped that all but one party got along and were friends (my step dads ex is a ittle nutty, really not right in the head) both my mom and step dad brought children into the marriage then had one of their own and my father went on to have more children, luckily my father ,mother, and dad worked hard to make my life peaceful and get along.
    3_ring_circus_

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 2:24 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Oh I've thought about how she would feel that's why I encourage the hubby to call her to find out how his son is and when we can (we live about 600 miles away) make sure we go see him. I do my best to be supportive because I know I couldn't stand my child's father not being involved. I don't care that she sent the picture of the haircut mind you. But did she really have to do it the SAME DAY his other son was born?! And I can only be so nice I'm sorry I'm only human. I know she expects DH to bring my DS with him on a visit w/o me but as the mother of the other child I refuse to let that happen. She ignores me now b/c I called her out on some bs and I'm sorry she needs to realize that no matter how much she doesn't like it I AM in the picture I AM his wife and the mother of his child also.
    bjw_053109

    Answer by bjw_053109 at 2:43 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I can only be respectful as long as I'm being treated with respect. Is that so wrong? And the way she tries to talk to DH calling him irresponsible and what not. That's crap too just because she dumped him and he had to move to a new location to get a decent job to make enough $ to pay CS and take care of his other son doesn't make him irresponsible. I wish she could see just how responsible he really is. He's a great father and I hate the fact that his 1st born won't know that b/c his mother's a bitch that at first was refusing to let him see his son. So really am I so wrong here? She's not being respectful to either one of us. What can you say to that? And that's ultimately why I have such a hard time even being civil to her.
    bjw_053109

    Answer by bjw_053109 at 2:51 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Your husband...I apologize
    mumma28

    Answer by mumma28 at 7:58 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I would suggest distancing yourself from her. Let you hubby go by himself to do the child pickup/drop off while you and the baby stay home and wait for dad and brother to come home. If your husband has visitation she cannot leagally keep the child from him. If he does not have a legal visitation scheudule then he should take her to court and get one.
    I do agree with the others, she may be jelous that he has a new child, and she may fear her child will be 'less important' or feel 'over shadowed' by the new baby. I think he may need to say to the child (in front of her) how proud he is to have him, and how much he looks forward to their time together. Maybe that will put her fears to rest and she might just let up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:09 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Put yourself in her shoe's and you'll understand. It will be ok. She just doesn't want him to forget his first son
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:34 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I think you may be over analizing the situation. It's not that big of a deal. I would have given it a super big eyeroll, & then let it go. It is a bummer that his first child lives so far away. Also, he most likely didn't have to move that far away just to pay child support. If you're not making enough money to pay child support, you can get it lowered. Show the court what you make & they can change it. This just happened to a girlfriend of mine. Her ex husband lost his job & had to go on unemployment, where he was not paying child support at all. When he got his new job, making much less money, he went to court & had his child support payments lowered. It sucked for her, but there is not much you can do about it.

    If my ex husband moved 600 miles away for a job, i would consider it irresponsible towards the fatherly duties of his child. Time spent with children is more imortant than the money given to them.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:53 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

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