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Can someone who has lost a father to cancer tell me how to deal with the anger ?

he died last saturday...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:06 AM on Nov. 10, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (11)
  • i'm very sorry *hugs*


    I lost my little sister to breast cancer last May and the anger still hasn't gone away. People say it takes time and anger is a step in the grieving process. I try to surround myself with positive memories of her being happy, and will do little things like go on Cancer walks in her honor and write messages to her on balloons and set them into the sky. It helps a little, but there is always that part of me who is so angry that other people have their sisters to talk and laugh with but mine was taken away. It's not fair and it's hard to accept. I just go day by day and hope things will somehow get better. Some people think talking to others about it will help- it didn't help me, but it might work for you.

    IhartU

    Answer by IhartU at 9:15 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • hi sweety. im so sorry for your lost. My father died last year he had terminal cancer but what actually ended his life after months of suffering was a heart attack. He was not on chemo or anything because he refused treatment. His body could no longer go on.

    I didn't get angry. I understand that every one of us must die and that each one of us has a way in which we are dying. I ask God to help me to cope with the loss. and i turned to him in prayer and supplication. Through my religon i've learned different ways of coping with death from the way i used to cope with it growing up. it's helped so much to know that everyone must face death and what is important is the time we spent with each other during our life. try to find peace in the moments shared and ask God to guide you and make it easier for you.

    hugs.
    Aasiyah

    Answer by Aasiyah at 9:34 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • my FIL died 4 years ago the 30th.

    anger is just one of the steps of grief.

    time is what it takes. time and someone to talk to. there are grief counsellors who are trained and can talk you through it - not to heal but to help you manage better.

    hugs to you and your family.
    hypermamaz

    Answer by hypermamaz at 9:46 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Well, I didnt loose a father to cancer, but to (stepfather) murder.
    He was shot in the heart at point blank range, and wasnt even robbed. Ppl just thought he had money, and I guess he was set up. He never did drugs or dealt with anyone or anything bad, but was killed for no reason at all. They still cant find the killer...

    my advice is to be thankful that he is in a better place where he doesnt have to worry abour paying bills, or feeling pain, or anything! He can still be with you if you are open to recieve his company. Just dont let anger take over your life b/c I have seen it change my mom for the worst (at times).
    I know it hurts, but in time you will learn to cope a little better, although it never really goes away.

    Keep you head up...
    sugahmamma

    Answer by sugahmamma at 9:56 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Anger is a completely natural part of the grief process and can affect you in many different ways and on differing levels. You could be experiencing anger towards others that still have their siblings, like IHartU said, you could be angry with God (If you believe in Him), you could be angry with the doctors that failed to save her, you could be angry with yourself if you didn't get a chance to make some final amends, you could even be angry with your sister if you perceive that it was a preventable cancer as in the case (maybe) of someone that died with lung cancer secondary to cigarette smoking......the list can really go on and on. Counselling has helped me tremendously as have grief share groups. It helps to talk with other people in person that can help guide you through your grieving and assure you that what you are going through emotionally is normal.
    WindyTheWidow

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 9:58 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I was never angry. My dad told us to be strong and know he was going to be with God and was better off than here on Earth. It was hard watching him die from the liver cancer he had. I wanted the pain to stop for him and when he did pass I felt relief for him. My dad is in heaven with God how can I be angry about that. I will be with him again someday and will live my life in a way that honors my God and my dad. Anger leads to bitterness then to hate and hate leads to destructions. I don't have room for that in my life.

    I am very sorry for your loss. I know it is hard.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:18 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I lost my father to cancer two years ago.  I found the 7 stages of grief to be enormously helpful.  It helped me and my family to recognise each stage as we (or I) went through it.  It gave us hope that the wounds were healing and the pain was diminishing. 


    I think it is very important to release your emotions, holding them in only lengthens your bereavement.  I found that the best way to get through grief is to tackle each stage head on.  I promise you, that you will live again and you will laugh again.  Unfortunately loss is the cost of love, and I do know how you feel. 


    I am very sorry for your loss.


    http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 10:48 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • You confess it to God just like you would anything else. And you tell Him that you need His enablement to overcome it. You pray that way every time you think of your anger, and if you are His child, He will take it away. It probably won't happen overnight, but it will gradually disappear.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:56 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I lost my father, not to cancer, but to a genetic heart disease that we weren't aware he had. He had just turned 45 when he died & I am sometimes angry that we had to loose him so early. It took me a while to get angry & it took a while to not let the anger nag at me often. It will take time for you to stop being angry & really you don't stop, you just are less angry & angry a lot less often. I found it helpful to talk about the anger with someone else who was angry about it. After I had vented from time to time for a few weeks, I started stopping myself when I would get angry. I was usually angry when I thought of the good things & good times because they were gone. I started to acknowledge that it was painful that they wouldn't continue but remembering they also brought me joy. I focused on the joy. 10 years later I am still angry at times, but mostly I am glad I had a loving (though flawed) father.

    nysa00

    Answer by nysa00 at 11:55 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • We lost my Dad at 44 to a sudden heart attack - with no prior heart issues. I don't remember being angry, just terribly sad and lonely. I know it sucks and NOTHING anyone says right now will take the sting out of it. Time helps heal the wound a bit, but you will always miss him. But that's how I know he was worth having in my life if only til I was 22... he was worthy of being missed!!


    Anger is a natural part of the grieving process. But, if you feel as if it's getting the best of you perhaps you could try talking to someone about it like a therapist, a trusted clergy member or a good friend. Don't hold it in what ever the emotion, it can eat you alive. Sorry that you have to go thru this, I wouldn't wish it on anyone!!

    Morgain

    Answer by Morgain at 12:49 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

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