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my daughters friend...

my daughter has this friend.let me start off by saying this family is not poor by any means,i felt badi went over to get my daughter the other day and this girl looked like she had never brushed her hair she had ratty tights with holes all in them.i felt bad.i have and old but nice north face jacket that i wanted to give her but they make more money that we do.i sat down with the mom.she was telling me the daughter was getting in fights on the bus again and starting to be fresh.well i noticed this myself also with my own daughter doesnt have alot of friends.when she is with this girl she is mean to my daughter kind of in a degrading way.i think this is starting to spill onto my husband who knows the family better than me thinks she was an after thought.the mom works alot and is totally involved with her work.more so than her daughter.i dont know what to do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:39 AM on Nov. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • If this child needs a coat and the family has the money to get what this child needs then they need to step up and take care of this young lady. For the fact that she is acting up i would not allow my child to hang out with this child for the fact that they could get into big trouble together and it could be worst then you think it could get. This little girl sounds like she is not getting all the attention that she needs right now.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:47 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • We've known several kids like this. Invite the child to your house and let your values 'spill over' to this child. Invite her to do things with you like going out to eat or to the park. The mom probably won't care if she is into her job.

    It will be irritating that the mom will probably talk bad about you and the daughter will let things the mom say slip. You are nice to the daughter and let her into your home and the ungrateful mom will be mean. Just understand that is probably because she realizes on some level that she isn't doing right by her child.

    You probably can't do much about clothes. It is bad to give people that make more money hand me downs. You can talk to her about hair and hygene in a fun way. Often these kids have been raised by a sibling or have raised themselves.

    Answer by Gailll at 9:50 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • i think thats it exactly she raised her self.when she goes to school her mom is not homeshe hires a sitter to get her off.the girls did do cheerleading to gether and i did do her hair...i brushed it right out.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I agree with Gailll. If the girl obviously needs attention, you can be the one to give her attention. Not all "bad" kids influence other kids. Let your daughters hang out and be a good role model to them both.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • great answer gailll!

    Answer by FelipesMom at 10:27 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Yep let your daughter hang out, give her the coat, don't worry about the money---you kiddo and you could be of great help to this girl!!

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:28 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • ya i am not really worried about the money...i think i should just keep an left eye on her and my daughter.especially if she is a kind of loner as it is...great answers thanks...

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:43 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Well if your daughter does not have alot of friends and she really likes this girl I think you should make sure that playdates are at your house, that way you can supervise them. I would let her know what specific house rules are (like no rude behavior...) and if she breaks them gently remind her that "in my house we do not....." It sounds like this girl might be starving for some 'mom' attention, and if she is at your house you can give her some attention and provide a good role model. Maybe just being a part of your family and seeing your values, rules will help her to change her behaviors and attitude.

    Answer by MizLee at 12:15 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

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