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Grandma gave First Haircut without permission. What do I say?

My mom had my 15 month old for a sleepover on Saturday night and when I picked her up on Sunday afternoon, my mother had given my daughter her first haircut... because her bangs had been hanging in her eyes.
Now, my mom is great. She has helped so much since our daughter was born. She is one of my best friends.
But not only is she famously awful at cutting hair and notorious for trying to cut her own hair and having to go get it fixed, but I specifically asked her not to cut baby's hair. I told her that Dad and I had plans to go as a family and get a special First Haircut together... with a picture and balloon, etc. She didn't even save what she cut for the memory book.
I am furious, but feel guilty for being mad. Am I overreacting? Would you be mad? What should I say to her about it? I don't want to say nothing at all.


Asked by evaRoo at 9:52 AM on Nov. 10, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (13)
  • Yeah, I would be mad. I would express my displeasure with her and remind her of the big plans you had. I would ask her to refrain from doing it in the future and then I would drop it. Sounds like she is a wonderful Grandma and just overstepped her boundaries which GMa's are notorious for doing, lol!

    While I haven't left my 14 month old son overnight for my own personal issues/reasons, I don't see anything wrong with that, if you are comfortable, at all........Hmmmm.....I usually like your answers, Gaill.

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 11:32 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • You are not overreacting and I would be furious at my mother and she would hear it all!!! You had plans for the 1st haircut and she did not have enough respect for your feelings. I would tell her that I feel extremely disrespected and that she overstepped her bounds.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:55 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I'd be mad, but it's just hair. I ended up cutting my daughter's hair myself, just to get it out of her eyes too. And I didn't bother saving any. I wasn't going to do it again, but then sure enough I got tired of her complaining and moving the hair out of her eyes but not being willing to wear a bow. It'll grow back then you can cut it and pretend it's the first time :) Did shee cut the back or just the bangs?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:55 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I would be pissed. She stepped over her boundary. I would let her know it's not ok and ruined your memory with YOUR daughter.

    Answer by Mrs.Oriaku at 9:56 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • well, obviously it was discussed, and you told her not to do it. she did it anyway, so yeah, you have a right to be mad. can you do anything about no, what's done is done. but..i would reiterate, and put it in triplicate, that if she ever cuts your daughter's hair again, you will not leave her with her gma..ever! and stick to it.
    you won't really NEVER leave her alone with your daughter, but convince her you will. she owes you and your dh a big apology. unfortunately, the apology won't put the hair back on. just go ahead and take her to the salon, as planned, for her next trim..whenever its time. there's no reason you can't go ahead and take pics the next time.

    Answer by thehairnazi at 9:57 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I want to cut my grandson's hair so bad. He is 14 mo and it looks awful! It sticks out all over. I won't do it.

    Your mom shouldn't have done it. She may have had a weak moment.

    You shouldn't have left a baby that young overnight unless it was an extreme emergency. If she is taking care of him a lot and now with this overnight visit the lines of what she can do and can't do probably aren't very clear. She could have forgot about the first haircut. I doubt she did it just to upset you.

    You need to talk to her about it. If there are things you don't want her to do you might want to write them down and put them on the fridge, maybe in a cute way.

    Go ahead and do the first haircut. She didn't do a cut, she just did a trim. It doesn't count. Don't let it ruin your plans.

    Answer by Gailll at 10:01 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I guess it sucks she did it, but this is not the hill I would die on, just be very clear with her she is NOT to do it ever again!! You can still go and get her haircut, if you call them first alot of places give certificates with the hair and pic, sorry she did that mom!

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:04 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • If it were me and she flat out ignored what I said there would be no more overnight visits, and daughter wouldn't be visiting that much anymore

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Wow, Gaill. HOw is 14 months too young for an overnight visit? And how does spending the night as someone's house magically tranisition the parenting resposibility? I could see dropping your child off for a month maybe! But my mom watched my daughter for a week while i was on vacation (yes, at a year and a half!) and wanted to cut her hair but didn't. She didn't just assume she was the parent from that point forward.

    I'm not sure why your mom did it. Maybe she honestly thought she was helping or that maybe you forgot bout the hair cut. Or maybe, that just a little trim wouldn't be too big a deal and she still had the rest of the hair for you to cut. Ask her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:06 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • My sister in law did the same thing. I was pissed. I wanted my kids to have long baby hair until they were two. I don't think anyone understands how personal that is. People have no respect for bounderies any more.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:08 AM on Nov. 10, 2009