Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What do i do when i feel like i dont wanna be around my own mom?

To start with growing up from 3-13 i was sexually abused by my step dad and my mom knew it and stood by him for years.I went to a home til 16 when i ran away and got married.Me and my husband has been married for 23 years (she apolagized and i forgave her about 13 years ago)now her n him are divorced but my problem now is shes killing my nerves,shes always accused me of stuff xpects me to run when she needs something (shes on oxygen) and im always doing for her but shes wearing me out and anytime anything goes on between her n me for xample (If i dont do sumpin) me n my sister is in it.I live close to her my sister lives about 20 min away.I have severe anxiety disorder and im at the end of my rops,cuz she gives me ALOTTA guilt trips about things i dont do..I feel like my hearts getting so cold toward her and i dunno what to do

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on Nov. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • you need to give yourself some space for a while...explain to her you have your own life now it doesnt revolve around her...let her know you like spending time but all this "doing for" is making it hard to have the good times...If she cares she will understand.
    bumblebeestingu

    Answer by bumblebeestingu at 11:26 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • She wouldnt understand that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Thats the way I am with my mom I have a hard time going to her house to because if I go alone she gives me a hard time about every thing and if I take someone with me then she's ok to be around....
    So the answer to your question is that I have learnd to back off d If you can give the time that you want to give to your mom just direct it toward your husband and if you have kids towards them. I call and check on her some times like once a week I want to see her but I am going to wait till I have some one to come with me.
    I am going to be married mom wont come because my dad is going to be there. I am taking care of him and she hates it . when the time come I might take care of her but bad things happen to me in the past I have forgiven just hard to forget ... all I can say is people who do wrong will have to answer for it later. I Have God in my life.. and with he's help you can over come bad things like a bump in the road..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • When my dd gets like that she just picks a fight with me and stops talking to me...until she needs me for something. It's not the most mature thing to do but it works for us.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:31 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I know this is easier said than done, but I really think you need to take your own power back. It sounds like your mom knows how to manipulate you and push your buttons to make you feel guilty and do the things she wants or needs you to do. At the end of the day, you are a grown woman with your own family and you have every right to set your own boundaries and enforce them. Your mom may not like it and she may not understand but that has to be ok with you. Let's face it, if you are telling her that you are going to be able to be there less is she ever going to be ok with that? Is there anything you could say to her that would make her understand? There may not be so you just have to explain it to her honestly, expect that she won't like it, but then move on. No one can make you go to her house and do things for her, no one can make you argue with her. Just stop yourself. You can't change her but you can change how you behave.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:47 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Just to be clear- I am not saying that you need to change the way you behave because you have done anything wrong. Not at all. I just think you will never change your Mom, you can only change how you interact with her, and that you do have the power to set your boundaries.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:49 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Just because she give birth does not make her a mother. Ask yourself what you would do if your children were being molested by their dad. Stand by him? Ignore your kids crying for help? I doubt it. What she did then should clue us in to what kind of person she is now. To forgive her after what she allowed to happen to you makes you a saint honey! She's toxic! TELL HER! Stop being a door mat and let her fend for herself. She allowed her little ones, the ones that needed her protection, to be harmed. Damn her!
    mygirlscome1st

    Answer by mygirlscome1st at 12:52 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • If i dont do what she needs done then she says well your uncle said you live right here n it wouldnt hurt you..or..he said this she said that...and i have no food im so hungry (so i usually take food from my house over to hers) she gives me BAD guilt trips always has and always will,to the point i get mad then end up doing it cuz i feel sorry for her n my brother.Like this morning i have been tore up since 7:00 but shes fine now.My husband worked on her car last night but she still has xcuse after xcuse she 'cant drive'...simply cuz she dont wanna drive herself.Just seems like im holding so much resintment of everything i have been thru that my hearts getting COLD COLD towards her...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • This has bothered me all night long!!! Let me explain myself because I am not a hateful person but my "Damn her" comment still stands and heres why. If you were my little girl, sexual abuse would be something that you read about or had seen on the news. You would NEVER have experienced it. You would have had a home you could invite friends to, have slumber parties, burn up the phone every night and just be a kid. A home you ran TO for help. But since your mother had to have this predator in her life, you had to run FROM it. I wonder if the reason she guilts you into doing her bidding is because she lays the loss of her man on you. After all, when you left, the bastard lost his toy. I have three girls. They're 21, 5 and 13 mos. They're EVERYTHING to me. I will fiercely protect them from harm til the day I die! They deserve NOTHING less! YOU deserved nothing less. She let you down, so SHE deserves nothing at all. Not from you.
    mygirlscome1st

    Answer by mygirlscome1st at 1:31 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • That made alotta since to me,thank you.The problem now is EVERYTIME me n my mom has words or upset with each other my sister is protective BAD over her and ALWAYS feels the need to butt in of course,and im so to the point of turning cold.There both xtremly jealous of my aunt cuz me n her are close n they cant stand her so REALLY REINT the fact me n my son are close to her.Its a long stoory from start to finish but the short is..im TIRED of it all
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.