Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What can i do about my own dad?

My dad is a very old fashioned man. He believes marrige before sex let alone having a baby when your just dating. I am about three months pregnant and have just told my dad i am his youngest daughter and the first one to have a baby. He is very mad and upset with me and won't talk about it he is calling me stuppid and telling me i shot the rest of my life to hell. Is there away i can get him used to the idea and to exept the fact that i am going to have a baby and he is going to be a grandpa, or should i just let it go and not try and talk to him about it just let him come around on his own, or if he doesen't come around on his own do i just let him out of my life and the baby's. All advice is welcome and needed.

Answer Question

Asked by Cowgirlmommy212 at 11:30 AM on Nov. 10, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • My dad was very upset when i had my dd. I was in college and had been with my boyfriend for a few years, but my parents didnt really approve of the realtionship. My dad came around in his own time but he said a few things in the beginning that I still remember. I understand that he had a plan and hopes and dreams for my future. He was broken hearted and angry that I messed up and i could have had a different life. He came around during my pregnancy but not cuase I convinced him I just let him have his space and he wanted to be a part of my life and his grandchilds. I would just be open and tell him you are sorry and he may come around.

    Answer by ria7 at 11:33 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I was 19 when I got pregnant with my 1st child. I came from a very religious family and strict upbringing. He was cold and distant in the beginning but the minute the baby was born he came around. People say a lot of things when they are angry. The same way he's dealing with the hurt you will need to also deal with what he is saying. Just know that he loves you and just wants the best. With time he will come around. Give him his space and show him that you will still be responsible and excel.

    Answer by living4mykids at 11:46 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I grew up with something similar. My dad would tell us (my sisters and I) that if we got pregnant out of wed lock he would disown us, My mom however was the one who wold tell us she would support us. Well Lo and behold I'm the one who went and got pregnant out of wedlock. My dad supported me 100% for taking responsibility for my own actions and my mom, well it took some time for her to warm up to the idea of becoming a Grandmother. Once my daughter was born she had them both wrapped around her pinkie in an instant. My dad actually got upset with my mom for coming out to visit me once i had the baby because she didn't support me right off the bat like he did. In other words, he was jealous he did not get to be the first one to see his Granddaughter.

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 12:20 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • hopefully he'll get over it! my mom reacted the same way. she isnt old fashioned but she was born in the 1940's and was raised in a different time when it was taboo. plus I am her youngest daughter and I live far away. she told me to get an abortion. my dad on the other hand was giggling the whole time on the phone after I told him. my mom let out her anger and her steam, called me a few hours later, apologized and since then is a very loving grandma to her very first grandson. This news hit your father hard! If he refuses to talk to you, you could try and just make an effort to show him you love him and want him to remain in your life and your baby's life. call him after your appts, tell him about the 1st time you heard the heartbeat, tell him the sex when you find out, mail him a photo of your first should eventually hit him that he is about to be a grandpa and his little girl is about to be a mommy!

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 12:35 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I agree with the previous posters. He just needs some time to adjust to the idea. I was still in high school when I had my first child so, of course, I wasn't married and my father had more than one opinion regarding my choices in life. He was pretty harsh in most of his comments right up until the day she was born when he got a call at work telling him he was going to be a grandpa. He dropped everything he was doing and got a speeding ticket trying to get to the hospital. He was the last person I saw before she was born. Today my daughter is twelve and she is his favorite person on this earth. Once a month she goes to stay the night with Grandpa. He helps teach her how to cook southern style and she teaches him how to play cards. Just give him some more time. He'll come around.

    Answer by sillyt at 12:35 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I would tell your Dad that you understand that he is upset and disappointed and that you will give him time if that is what he needs. But also let him know that this a new and scary time for you and that having his love and support to help guide you is something you really need. Whether or not you made the choices he would have made for you doesn't change the fact that you are his daughter and no matter how old we are we still need the support of our parents.

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:37 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • i was single and pregnant and my dad was the pastor of our church. when i told him i was pregnant he pretty much stopped talking to me... don't get me wrong i loved my dad and he was a great father but this was hard for him. i had to buy everything myself and didn't even get a baby shower from anyone... my dad started talking to me again after my son was born. he loved his grandson and would give him just about anything he asked for.... so, hang in there a relationship can be healed.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Dads almost always come around, when they see the baby if not before. Give him time to accept it, show him how well you can handle it & how responsible you can be.

    Answer by nysa00 at 1:02 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Hang in there. He will come around. Hopefully he will show you the compassion, mercy, forgiveness, and love that Jesus Christ has shown him.

    By the way- all children are a gift and a blessing. CONGRATULATIONS! Wishing you lots of joy and happiness in your future son or daughter.

    Take care of yourself and get lots of rest- try not to let your dad stress you out.

    Answer by ave.maria. at 1:04 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I say just let your dad take the lead, keep calling him, keep in contact. I really think your dad will come around. Once he sees that baby, and realzies it is his grandchild, I think he'll come around.

    Answer by robyann at 1:12 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.