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Should I keep my 2 younger children away from their grandma even though my 2 older children don't want to see her?

My husband left me 1 1/2 ago for a younger women after 18yrs together and 4 children. When I kicked him out I didn't realize he was having an affair with a co-worker which he got pregnant. His mother covered up for him and got them an apartment. He disappeared for 7 months and cut our financial support. When I took him for child support she called me and left insulting messages on my machine. She tells everyone that I am evil because I just want to deal with my husband and not her. She pays their rent, takes them on vacation while my kids have nothing. My 17 and 13 year old don't want to see but I have a 9 yr old who doesn't understand & a 2 yr old who just doesn't know anything.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:41 AM on Nov. 10, 2009 in About CafeMom

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I think that would depend on the reason the older kids don't want any contact with her. If it is because she vents to them her dislike for you then it would probably be best for your two youngest ones to stay away as well. No child should be put in the middle of a divorce whether that comes from the parents involved or the grandparents. If she is telling everyone she knows how evil you are for not wanting to discuss your divorce with her, what is she telling your kids?

    On the flip side, if it has nothing to do with what she says or how she treats them and the two older children are just bitter over the support she has offered to your ex and his mistress then that shouldn't affect your two younger children who are unaware. She is still their grandmother and shouldn't be left out of their lives based on her supporting her child whether she was wrong in the decision or not. I'm sure she still loves the kids very much.

    Answer by sillyt at 12:04 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Ask the 2 younger ones if they want to see her. They should be old enough to realize if they do, ecspecially the 9yo, that's an awful situation, GL.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I don't know...I would leave the ball in her court...I would just let her know that if she wants to see the kids, she will have to contact you and you can work something out. As far as the other thing, the problem is between you and your husband, you should be dealing with him, not her. Just because he is her son, does not give her the right to leave you nasty messages....

    Answer by mereinhart28 at 11:48 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I would not keep them from there grandmother, unless she was physically, or mentally abusive to them.

    It is not right, if she is doing it for love, then you need to let her. IF it is for spite, get away fast.

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:48 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • The kids have nothing but each other and they have kept united throughout this situation. I feel if I let her see the two younger ones I will be hurting the two older ones. They don't want her in our lives at all.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I disagree that having your younger children visit with their grandmotherswill be hurting your older children. They are old enough to understand that THEY do not get to decide what relationships your younger children have. It is not up to them to make this decision. You are the parent, and you are in control. If your younger children want to see their grandmother, and she is good to them, I think they should be able to see her.

    I am sorry that she treats you poorly; that must be difficult for you. Maybe part of you wants to deny her visits because she has treated you badly? That would just be human nature, but, not something you should act on.

    Answer by Southernroots at 12:05 PM on Nov. 10, 2009