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Raising a hellion??

My son is now 2.5 and is usually a very well-behaved child. I'm always complimented on how well mannered he is... But everytime he goes and stays with his Granny (my mother) or his father he comes home a total meanie... I'm really about to the point that I'm going to stop overnight visits (which I really can't do). My mother lives over 2 hours away so she doesn't get to see him much. He spent saturday night with her, came home sunday evening and ever since has been whiney and mean. He's steadily jumping on the couch (which he knows isn't allowed), and time out just isn't working... What do I do here? How can I make him understand that nomatter what the same rules always applies?? He threw a fit on me yesterday, was kicking and screaming, and then punched me in the eye... Laughed and said, "mommy black eye", so it's something he's seen... I told him that in this house we don't hit and made him take a nap...

 
momma_marian

Asked by momma_marian at 11:42 AM on Nov. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 10 (478 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • It's an adjustment thing. Rules are always going to be much more relaxed at Grandma's house. That doesn't necessarily mean she is telling him it's okay to be physically violent and to disregard everything that you say. More than likely he's just still unwinding from spending time with her. It's pretty typical that kids will act differently coming back from a night or weekend away until they have had time to settle back into their normal routine. More than anything it just takes patience on our part as parents to set the record straight and be consistent in enforcing our own rules from the minute the step back in the door. It isn't fun and I can't say that it will go away but as his age changes so will his adjustment behaviors. My son is 7 right now and his adjustment behavior is to whine constantly for about 24 hours when he gets home. It doesn't last but it will repeat. Good luck.
    sillyt

    Answer by sillyt at 11:55 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I'm 34 weeks pregnant, I can't have my son hitting and kicking me... I've talked to my mother, but she claims she doesn't allow him to hit or act up in her home... What should I do?
    momma_marian

    Answer by momma_marian at 11:43 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I don't know what to tell you, but it does sound like he is having boundary issues at Grandma's house. I anticipate the same when my DS starts overnight visits. She lets him get away with all of the normal "no-no's" and run wild, lol!
    WindyTheWidow

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 11:49 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Well I would have to say that I would need to find out ASAP where he is picking up the violence. Kids are normally slightly aggressive at his age, but not to the point where they want to hurt you intentionally. Maybe you need to forget about that next visit to Grandma's and see if not going there makes a difference, or get a nanny-cam and see if there's something going on there that you don't approve of your son being around...
    The thing is that if these things are ignored, the situation will become worse. Just try your best to do something about it...
    annaica

    Answer by annaica at 11:55 AM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Maybe he just wants your attention after being away from you. I wouldn't let him have overnight visits at that age. He's much too young. Why do you have to? Just visit for the day and go home. Or meet them 1/2 way for lunch. My parents and inlaws have never lived closer than 2 hours and we have never had overnight visits. It's not necessary. When I used to have to work late and not see my son at bedtime, he would act out at me when he did see me. He needs his mommy.
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 12:09 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Perhaps he isn't getting enough sleep over there (and maybe too much sugar) so when he comes home, he all crazy and not normal.

    Ask your mom if she's putting him to bed on time and letting him get his 12 hours (or 10 hours with a 2 hour nap in the middle of the day) of sleep (my DD is almost 3 and she gets 12 hours every night and is great - but if she gets even a little bit less, at the end of the day, she's cranky and EMOTIONAL!).

    It may seem silly but I think lack of sleep is a cause of problems like that and it just isn't realized. I know that if I don't get enough sleep, I'm cranky. I'm the adult version of what my child is if she doesn't get enough sleep. And sometimes I'm the child-version if I'm too cranky!)
    Blubuni99

    Answer by Blubuni99 at 12:12 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • No more overnights. Drop him off first thing in the morning and pick him up (have dinner at your mom's) that evening. He is having transition problems. It would actually be better if your mom came and spent the day at your place. You have to remember he is 2.5 not 6.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • you cant expect a 2.5 yr old to transition and understand different rules in different places, i would tell my mom that she had tomake him follow the same rules as home, because he is coming home and getting in trouble and while she is trying to be nice by letting him get away with stuff that isnt allowed, it is actually really cruel to do, because it confuses him, i had this issue with my mil, i laid down the law and said instead of going to her house once a week, i would pay for preschool another day, i wasnt going to deal with the monster he is after she has spoiled him. it stopped the problem but she knew i wasnt playing, i was ready to enroll him in another day the next time he came home acting up. draw the line in the sand and warn them not to cross it, be ready to back up what you threaten with the real consequence, remember you are really punishing the gma, not the kid.
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 1:35 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

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