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I am about to go insane someone please help me

my DD is 2 yrs old & the terrible 2's are upon us. I am going crazy. She does not listen, everything is a battle, she thinks it is necessary to have a complete meltdown if she does not get her way, she is back talking, she is biting, she is hitting. I am very consistant in my discipline methods. For tantrums I try to distract her/redirect her first. If that does not work, she gets a timeout, & finally a spanking if a time out does not work. Same goes for backtalking & such. Biting & hitting is an automatic time out. NOTHING IS WORKING. I am looking for advice. We live w/ another family & my DD's behavior is becoming burdensome. Please do not tell me that it is her age, I am fully aware of it. Please do not tell me that it will pass, because I do not want it just to pass. I want it to STOP. If you have any useful, practical advice, I would LOVE to hear it. Thank you very much

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Nov. 10, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (5)
  • How do you do time outs? Just making her stand there until a timer goes of does nothing. There's the immediate reward of being released and there are no consequences.

    Stand her little tush in the corner until she is done. I mean STAND her with her NOSE in the corner until she is done with her fit. When she is done, she may come out of time out once she is ready to do what she was told to do, clean up what she messed up, or apologize for what she said.

    The hell with distraction. That never worked for any of my kids at any age.

    Biting, hitting, etc...heavy work after time out. She gets done with her fit and she has to go clean something...small because she's small...but she has to carry a towel to the washing machine or use a sponge and bit water on a section of the kitchen floor to clean it...something to "work" that aggression out of her system.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I would throw out every practice that you've been using and discipline her only with spanking for at least a period of time. The greatest lesson you will ever teach her is to respect you and your authority. You tell her one time what you expect of her. If she does not immediately obey, spank her bare leg hard enough that it stings but does not leave a mark. It may take a little practice to find how hard that it. I always preferred to use an instrument of discipline rather than my hand. I used a small plastic flyswatter. After you have disciplined her, you explain calmly and quiety that you love her too much to allow her to be disrespectful to you or to anyone else. Unless you get this under control right now, she will have trouble in school or anywhere else where she has to be under authority. The bonus is that your home will be a much more peaceful place than it is right now. It is a hard thing to do, but it works!

    Answer by NannyB. at 2:02 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • OP here. I put her in the corner, make her sit. The time does not start until she is done crying/screaming. Then she sits there for 5 minutes ( I tried one minute for each year, but that did not seem long enough for her). Thank ANON I will try making her clean. Although she likes to do that, so that may or may not work. And thanks nannyb. I do not have a problem with spanking, and you always offer really great advice. I will also try what you have suggested. Thank you

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:08 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • well stay constant with the discipline- you cant ever stop that even if you feel its not working. one day, she will learn. this wont last forever and ill tell you one thing that helped me when going through this. when i knew she was going to have a meltdown, like when it was time to leave the park, i would get really excited and happy when i talked to her- "Ok!!! Time to leave the park and we will come back again! Say 'Bye park! Thank you for having us!!!' Now lets go make some supper! Yay!".

    Answer by snoober_k at 2:12 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • When she starts into a tantrum the best thing to do is to ignore it. The more you engage her - talking to her, giving her time outs, spanking, fighting - the more you prolong it. If she is just misbehaving without a tantrum then set her in a time out spot. Don't make her wait until she stops crying because that is extra time where you are engaging her and again you are prolonging the behavior. Put her on the spot and tell her she is in time out, then walk away and do not talk to her or look at her the entire time. If she leaves the spot go get her and put her back without saying a word to her and walk away again.

    5 minutes is too long for a child her age. The time out should be about 2 or 3 minutes. When the time out is over, get down on her level, look her in the eye and ask if she is ready to say "sorry" then give her a hug and go on about your day until the next tantrum or misbehavior and then repeat.

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:46 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

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