Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Will I find someone when i'm pregnant and already have a kid? I don't want to be alone forever.

I want to make things work on my own and not have to depend on a man but I want someone to spend time with and talk to. It sounds crazy but I get so lonely. My best friend is a guy and we spend time together sometimes but its not the same.

Answer Question
 
jessesmama22

Asked by jessesmama22 at 2:38 PM on Nov. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,311 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Maybe your best friend might end up being the guy for you, you never know. My DH and I began as friends while I was pregnant and we just got married a little over two weeks ago. He is truly my best friend and I wouldn't have him any other way. Being friends first is a great way to start a relationship!
    WindyTheWidow

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 2:41 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • It's not crazy to feel lonely. Have faith. Try not to rush things with the first guy that comes your way. I'm not saying that you will. It's just that we as women tend to take the first guy that comes our way especially when we are lonely. Take your time and make sure when they do come around they are the right person for you and your family. I wish you the best of luck.
    Jguevara

    Answer by Jguevara at 2:43 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • No one wants to be alone it's human nature. I know when your pregnant, your extremly emotional and your hormones are ALL over the place. I would personally wait, just because after you have the baby things sometimes, get a bit overwhelming, I think it would be just a bit hectic throwing a new guy in the mix. Just my opinion...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:44 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • So, it's all about you and your feelings. How about what is best for your kids? I suggest you think of their interest first, then your solitude. I don't mean to be rude but I think your kids should be your priority now finding a guy now.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 2:46 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I know of a woman who has two kids by two different people and is happily in a relationship. Another who had four kids by four people (she was a complete mess) and had a terrific guy for years who is now raising three kids along with his own. There are good guys that are not scared off by a woman with kids or pregnant women and ready to step up where others have failed. Sounds like your problem is going for guys that aren't right. For many years I had more guy friends than women for a number of reasons, but once I found real good women friends, I realized there is no replacement. Forget the guy... get yourself some real girlfriends who will really be there for you, will come help you in the middle of the night, who understand what it's like to be in your shoes. You can be lonely in a crowd of people if they are not people who really care about you. Just one good girlfriend makes a world of difference.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 3:04 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Look after you have your baby, you will forget for a while that you want someone to talk to, with all the diaper changing and the sleepless nights, you won't have time to think about a man, and second, you have to make sure that when you meet a guy, he is a good person, and has a good heart, remember he'll be part of your child's life too Please don't make the mistakes some moms do, they only care about the sex, and the children end up suffering at the hands of abusive boyfriends, I'm not saying all moms and men are like that, but in this time and age, you gotta be very careful, I'm a single mom and believe me I feel alone sometimes, but then I start thinking how nice my Dd's and my life is with out the shouting, and fighting that her dad and I used to have.
    cholita1978

    Answer by cholita1978 at 3:09 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • So, it's all about you and your feelings. How about what is best for your kids? I suggest you think of their interest first, then your solitude. I don't mean to be rude but I think your kids should be your priority now finding a guy now.

    Yes, you did mean to be rude. Maybe you should grasp that you never know what is around the corner and you could be in her shoes.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:39 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Anon: That's your opinion and you are entitled to it that's all I have to say about that.

    For OP, my point is: Focus on your kid's needs and been alone won't seem so important because you have the lives of these two precious children to keep you motivated to keep on going. There will be time for guys down the road, it isn't about your needs any more, it's all about your kid's needs.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 4:09 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I agree with bebita.

    If I'm understanding this question right OP is currently pregnant right now by a man, but no longer with him and is already looking for a new man. If that's the case, then bebita is exactly right. This mom needs to set her wants aside for a while and focus on her kids.

    The PP are right when they say it's human nature to want to be with someone...that's very true. Humans have an innate desire to be in a monogamous relationship. It's in our DNA in order to protect the species. But OP has 1 child & another on the way, maybe by two different fathers or maybe by the same man that just is no longer in the picture. In either case, her track record with men is not good and before she gets her children involved in another roller coaster relationship that doesn't last, she needs to take a serious step back and re-evaluate her life and put her kids first.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 4:24 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Answered at 11:46 AM on Nov. 10, 2009 by: bebita


    I tend to agree with her statement. Focus should be on the children. The more your focus on men the more you'll likely to end up pregnant again for the 3rd time.  Lay off of men for a while.  Try focusing on getting an education to provide for your children. 

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:41 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.