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How do I stop worrying about her approval?

My mom has always been controlling. If someone has a different idea or does not agree with her, then she will actually argue and fight with that person. She has always done this with me. She has always blamed me for everything. Everytime she got angry I was her scapegoat. She was always harder on me than my brothers and was never my friend.

Now, I am 25 years old, I have 3 kids and my husband. For some reason I need her approval for everything. I want to make her happy. For example, she wants me to be a teacher and I am thinking about being a nurse. She is giving me all sorts of reasons not to be a nurse, including an idea that some nurses only make $5/hour. Before you say that I need to cut the strings, it's not like that. I do live my own life, but I still have the need to appease her. Why do I do this and how can I stop? Thanks.


Asked by Anonymous at 4:55 PM on Nov. 10, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (3)
  • Rebut her argumetns with RESEARCH. will give you great info on nursing salaries and teaching salaries. Print that out and show her.

    NOBODY IN THIS NATION makes $5/hr any more because that's below minimum wage. (OK, servers are an exception but that's a whole 'nother kettle o'fish.)

    Don't just take her word for ANYTHING any mroe. Do your own research. You're a grownup and can do that.

    You might also point out that you can start nursing with less education than is needed for teaching, and then be WORKING as you get a more advanced degree to become an RN.

    You can also point out that nursing schedules can be great. Three 12 hour shifts a week is what my cousin works.

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:00 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • have you told her how you feel?
    You are not a child anymore , but something is keeping you in that approval phase and you need to talk it over with her before you have a big blow out one day with out expecting it.

    Answer by karglynn at 4:59 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Read the book Toxic parents by Dr. Susan Reed then you will be able to deal with the whole enchilada of what you are describing. Good luck.

    Answer by bebita at 5:00 PM on Nov. 10, 2009