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need help with this situation! badly.

my husband is an alcoholic. usually he drinks like a 6 pack of beer per day. i know its stupid but we have pretty much no money due to this and we got an eviction notice because he didnt pay the rent last month. he calls his grandpa to bail us out and he always does. yesterday i asked him to go to lunch with me and he told me i needed to save my money(he was already on beer #12 at this point) and that upset me because he can spend his money on beer and not rent and i cant spend the little(150/2weeks) i get on spending time with him. so we faught about it. he blew it so up that he was yelling at me about the house not being perfect(its not filthy, just kids toys and stuff) and then tells me he only said that because it was his only defense. after hours of trying to walk away i decided to leave, he told me i couldnt take his baby out of the house and punched me in the arm. i called the cops so they would make him let me leave


Asked by cassie_m at 5:38 PM on Nov. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Level 20 (8,331 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • NO don't leave him. This is the start of a bad problem not the end!!! HELP HIM. My family is full of addicts. If you leave him, he'll drink his life away in despair. If it gets worse, then yes, for your CHILD at least, you need to leave him. For now, work on talking to him about it. I say, just to scare him. Write him a letter explaining how serious this is and give him a day without you and your child to see what its like. Does he really want to lose you 2?? Is beer worth his family? he may not think the problem is bad, but u need to send him to a treatment center now, make that a condition to stay. If he cares about you and is serious about not drinking anymore, he will. He keeps saying he'll stop and let u control the money, but he doesn't, because he has a PROBLEM. If you want, PM me, we can talk about this more.

    Answer by gottalovemal at 6:03 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • and now he is mad because i called the cops on him. he keeps saying hes going to quit drinking and saying he is going to let me control the money but he never does. i think its an excuse to make me not mad anymore but its all lies. help!

    Answer by cassie_m at 5:39 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I think you did the right thing calling the cops.
    I wouldnt go back.
    If he'll hit you once, what makes you think he wont do it again?

    Answer by Gealach at 5:40 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Leave, sweetheart, do it now. Let him work on himself and if he wants to quit drinking he will find the help to do it. You do not need to suffer with him. Remove yourself from the situation and he will either A.) Quit drinking and then the two of you can reunite and live in perfect wedded bliss till the end of your days or B.) He will continue along the same path of destruction that he is currently on. Sometimes, loving someone means leaving them. There are parts of me that wish I'd left my husband in the hopes that he would finally find the will to make a change rather than risk losing me.....then there are times when I'm thankful I stayed because an impossible situation could've been made even worse if I hadn't got those last moments with some of my journal posts if you want. He hit you, he crossed the LH never hit me.

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 5:47 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Yeah this is a bad situation honey!! You need to leave ASAP.

    Answer by PsychMommie at 5:47 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • im not leaving my husband! please are there any suggestions other than leaving. i love him. my wedding ring is tattooed on my finger. i cant . i dont want to.

    Answer by cassie_m at 5:51 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • Your husband needs help and he needs to come to that conclusion on his own, which will likely not happen when there are not consequences. You did the right thing. You cannot control his disease any more than he can. You are being abused verbally, now physically, on the edge of homelessness, and have a child to think about emotionally and financially as well as yourself. It is going to break down your sanity too as it has already done his. Next time he claims he will quit drinking, hand him the neighborhood AA meeting schedule and ask if he'd like to go to the 7 o clock on Main or the 8:30 on Elm that day. He is controlling the situation with your fear and stress. Take charge. With the money situation... don't address what he is spending the money on - you're only asking for more arguing... just state that you expect him to pay X amt toward the monthly bills. Decide what the consequences are and be prepared to follow through.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 5:56 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • from experience as seeing this as a kid and now working with domestic abuse situations, this is the START of it getting worse. If he doesn't get help now when he doesn't think it's a problem it will only get worse. I hope that things get better for you!! Sit him down when he's sober and ask him what happened. Hopefully he wasn't like this before so what changed. Show him how he was before and NOW he is getting you kicked out of your home and hitting you. It can get a lot more serious than that.

    Answer by gottalovemal at 5:58 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I know you don't want to leave him, but he needs to fear for his future just as you are... fear is a great motivator. I know that sounds sick, but this is not about intimidation it's about reality and it's about sanity. You are so busy defending yourself against his accusations you have not addressed your needs and expectations that are not being met. These accusations are simply a deflection to take the focus off him. DO NOT defend yourself when you have done nothing wrong. Be very, very careful for the wellbeing of yourself and your child. I know you don't think you are in physical danger, but this is just the beginning. Things have continued to go downhill, right? What makes you think all of a sudden they will be better? I have so much to say to you, but I need to go right now. I invite you to PM me. I am an AA alumnus myself as well as having been through crazy relationships. No judgement - just whatever help I can give.

    Answer by figaro8895 at 6:01 PM on Nov. 10, 2009

  • I think you need to leave him for alittle while. Maybe not having you and baby would make him straighten his act up. If not know that situation needs to be permanent.

    Answer by Tickledtrauma at 6:03 PM on Nov. 10, 2009