Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I still don't feel comfortable with my decision and Im not sure why ? My DH cheated a month ago, he's seeing a Phsyciatrist & we started family counseling.

We started counseling which I felt blown off .. The Dr. said he found us to be very healthy & to have a great relationship. Besides DH affair ( one time thing claims NO Sex) He said we could come back, but that we seem to be very open and healthy with each other. We know how to work things & we doing good in all. I should feel proud but I feel IM THE FOOL, he cheated on me & I have to forgive & move on. I wanted to leave, but I stayed its only been a month, I still feel dumb, his fool & hurt. Im 36 weeks prego. I did not stay because of that. I know I love him & he claims to love me (Dr. said he believed him since his eyes truly lit up as he spoke). Im lost I stay for LOVE, but I want to leave do to hating what he did & that I'm no ones fool. What if he plays me again. What if I find leaving is better, but we have it great besides his MISTAKE. What do I do ? Is counseling going to help me ? DH is trying.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:09 AM on Nov. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • you are absolutely validated in feeling angry and to question trust with your partner. But if you decide to stay with him, you have to forget about what he did and move on, otherwise your resentment will eventually eat away and destroy your life together anyway. If you can forget and move on, perhaps it could work out. If you dont think you can, then you need to move on.
    If you choose to give him another chance, and he breaks your trust again, get out and dont look back.

    Answer by dayle7 at 1:19 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • Of course you are still angry and resentful. You also probably don't believe that he didnt have sex. But really you need to decide what YOU really want. If you really want to stay, you have to be committed to that and determined to make it work. Which means you dont bring up his mistake all the time. Over time the pain will lessen. But it will always be there, just wont hurt so much. It has been over a year and a half for me and it still hurts, and I still wonder about what really happened. Stick with the choice you make. I totally understand the whole feeling like a fool thing. For some reason he told everyone we knew that he cheated, I would have liked no one else to know. That made me feel like a total doormat. But for me, right now, the best thing for me is to be with him. Only you know what is best for you. I would suggest giving it time and remember that while pregnant you may not be thinking entirely clearly either. GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:39 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • i always told my sister the same thing, as i am about to tell you, (Her dh had an affair as well) Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me... sweetie u are not a fool for loving him, if anything he is a fool for testing ur love cause u could've just walked out...

    Answer by waterlily89 at 2:59 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • Leave and find out if that is what you want. You can always return if you find you really want to be with him. Make him win you back and make him spend the rest of his life proving he won't cheat again

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:54 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • I think you should get some counseling on your own to help you understand your own feelings in the aftermath of your husband's cheating and to help you cope with those feelings. Counseling could help you learn how to deal with those feelings and move past them. Or try another marriage counselor because it seems like the one you had wasn't really listening. I don't think it should be up to the counselor to tell you if your marriage is strong- you should be telling the counselor about the state of your marriage. You obviously haven't worked thru all of your feelings about the betrayal and would likely benefit from some help doing that, either thru counseling on your own or with your husband.

    Answer by MaryMW at 12:20 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.