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Adult son lives with us and is having sex in our house, but I don't know who it is with

My son graduated from college last spring and moved home for awhile to save up money for his own house. Last week I was emptying the trash in his room and found two used condoms. I have no issue with his sex life, after all he is 23. However I am a little uncomfortable with him having sex in my house. I also have no idea who it is with because I have never noticed anyone else over. Should I talk to him about it and what would I ask? I fear it would be awkward.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:57 AM on Nov. 11, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (14)
  • You could just ask him if he's seeing anyone. Don't moms ask their sons those sorts of things?

    Answer by Blueliner at 3:00 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • Well he is 23 more mature than a teen so i would sit down and try to talk with him tell him what you found (by accident) and tell him it makes u uncomfortable... be honest :)


    Answer by Armywife510 at 3:12 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • He' s 23, let him empty his own trash. If you don't want him having sex in your house tell him. Your house - your rules.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:07 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • Hmmm....ok, two things here. One is that as stupid as it may sound, the condoms may not be from sex with someone else. I know someone who uses condoms when he "does it himself" b/c he thinks it makes less of a mess. is entirely possible he is not having sex with someone else.

    With that said, how to address it....I think the best way is to either tell him bluntly what you accidentally found and that you feel bad for not having made this clear, but that you don't want him having sex in your home when he is not married, committed or whatever it is you feel. OR, if you want to try to be more discreet and avoid embarassment on both sides, make up a list of rules (do your own laundry, do your own dishes, call if you'll be late, etc.) and insert said rule about sex in the rules, as if it's no big deal, just something you want him to deal with just like his laundry and dishes. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:38 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • i wouldnt tell him what u found, he could have masterbated and u would only embarss him also he would feel like u invaded his privacy.

    Answer by angelairelan at 9:34 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • If you don't want him to have sex in your house you need to tell him. I wouldn't ask him who it's been with; thats not your business. I agree with another answer. let him empty his own trash. Oh, and I'm sure he realizes that you seen the condoms when he noticed you emptied the trash so he might be expecting the subject to come up.

    Answer by Mel_in_PHX at 11:35 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • Try being in the living room with houseguest and your dog brings out a used condom from your sons bedroom slinging it like a toy. Yeah, a site.
    I know what you mean by awkward though. If it bothers you then you need to say something to him for sure. If he did not want to maybe be confronted with it then he should have disposed of them another way. He knows you empty his trash?? Then there is always a possibility of you viewing them. :)

    Answer by JLynn0871 at 1:41 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • I use condoms on my sex toys. Not sure if men use sex toys but a person doesn't have to be with someone else to use condoms.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:50 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • omg, he's a grown up and he's being protected..... leave the man alone. You had sex in the house while he was a kid and if he knew he would probably be uncomfortable. And you made it seem like its not the sex bothering ou, but that you don't know it is..... come on......... does it matter?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • I am only 19 but I would never have sex in my parents house. I think you need to sit him down and have a discussion about the fact that it is indeed your house and that you have No problem with him engaging in such activites but you would feel more respected if he did it else where. There are hotel rooms and such. But at least you can be please with the fact he uses protection. Try and stay as calm as you can because as uncomfortable as you may be feeling... he may feel a little aqkward as well at the fact you found his used supplies and are speaking to him about it. He should be old enough to understand though.

    Answer by ArmyAngel18 at 3:09 AM on Nov. 16, 2009

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