Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Anyone else dealing with "Don't Care" attitude of a 17 yo?

My son is a good kid, doesn't get into trouble (well not yet, or just hasn't gotten caught). Is it because he is a boy? Or is it a phase in teendom I missed? He just doesn't seem to CARE about anything. Talking to him will make you want to pull your hair out! I am very frustrated at his attitude. He makes no effort to want to learn to drive, doesn't care if he has a car or not, not making any effort to get a job. Thinks he has all the answers of life. He states he is moving out when he turns 18, get a job, get an apartment with 2 other friends so he can do his own thing and not answer to anyone. Asks me why he has to be like the rest of the world - school, graduate, job, family, etc. Has ideas of his own and just wants to concentrate on going to the Music Institute in CA to perfect his craft of playing guitar. What's a mother to do? He will yes his dad to death but not act upon anything they discuss.

Answer Question

Asked by naonip at 11:47 AM on Nov. 11, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (9 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • They never tell women when pregnant how much teens can break your heart.

    I'm sorry about your son. Some kids just have to learn on their own. Hope he stays alive, doesn't get someone pregnant, and stays out of jail.

    I have 3 sons, one with bipolar disorder, and I am so glad we are out of the teen years and none of those bad things happened. Others did.

    Answer by Gailll at 11:52 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • Best advice cut him off take away cell phone cut the junk food if he wants food he will have to learn to cook .No money at all he wants money get a job .if you have cable drop the package to basic .no new things .show him the life lesson that life is not free or easy .If his future is bright let him or show him the benefits of this try and come to an agreement but stay firm with cutting him out .your home your rules if he doesnt like it then he has to grow up .He is going threw the transition where he just doesnt want to grow up .surrenderdont give up and stay firm  its called tough love .good luck


    Answer by hush84 at 11:54 AM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • i've got a 17yo too, daughter plus two in their twenties. my oldest is my son. I think it's because they're hormones are on fastforward and their brains are on backwards. And the only thing that can change those things is life's experiences. Don't encourage his behavior by letting him run up your bills of at least cable tv or a car for social reasons. Those he can wait to have til he contributes more in chores and grades, a job. Same with a computer. Track his online activites. Is he social, does he drink a lot or drugs.

    My son was the same in high school. When he was a junior one of his teachers told me not to be so hard on him, that my son was a good kid. In hind sight what I did wrong was not having him work for his prizes - I let him have a car that my husband and I paid ins. on, same cell, same w/a computer. Those should have been based on his chore activity and grades.

    My youngest is w/o A LOT!!!!!!!!!

    Answer by lfl at 12:18 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • I am the only female in a house with a 38 yr old, 15 yr old, and 11 month old BOYS! As much as I love them they are all 3 the SAME. The younger just A LOT cuter. :) They all think the same and act the same... the 15 yr old did go through the "I don't care phase" it lasted from age 12 to about 14. It is a very difficult age... they are trying to figure out who they are and how they are suppose to act. It showed to be, and still is difficult. I CONSTANTLY have to remind myself that I MUST STAY PATIENT! He will come through. He just needs the confidence to know that you will be there when it is over. One of the most important things is to keep the messages short and sweet. the more I explain that I was only concered out of love the faster he came around.

    Answer by crisy at 12:22 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • I have a 21yo who is out on his own with that attitude and he's had it since he was about 16. Out of my 4 sons he's the only one who has ever had that attitude and is the only one with that attitude. My 23yo is married and in the Army and he's very responsible, always has been. He started working as soon as he turned 16 (he was a Junior in high school) and has always been responsible for things he wanted. My younger 2 are currently high school seniors and they have been working since the summer before they started the 11th grade, they pay for their own gas/car insurance/car maintenance & for their own cell phones and for any extras that they want. We pay for nothing. Both are already thinking about their futures. One has already been accepted to college and has a savings account started for fees and such & the other is in the DEP for the Air Force. They won't be bums like their brother.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • This is great! Ok. I am female mom with teens. I went through this stage. And yes we see it in boys more than girls due to hormones probably but I can explain it. It has to do more with peronality. My two at home have PLANS. Big plans for thier lives and theywork hard at it. Both boy and girl. So wishI had thier drive. But for my oldest on his own will be 19 soon. No one understood why he was the way he was. I do. The only one I ever related too in fact. He has an idealogical view of the world. Lets say hes a hippy for referance. First of all, he may not know what he wants to do with his life. Or there are so many things he wants that he cant find where to start the focus. That was mine. Then there are the rules of the world. So many of them are cumbersome and force you to live in a standard. This is very upsetting to my personality types. He will be ok. And cutting him off probably wont help folks.

    Answer by Roharn at 5:42 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • It isnt that they dont care. In fact I think a day inside his brain (Im sure that would be an adventure), may prove that he cares about a far more things than you might even emagine. Society and parent exspect (as they should. I do to) a certain conformaty. Basicly what im saying is that yes your right he wants to live by his own rules. My son has mastered that. Ad he has found a way to make it work fr him. Please understand that he is probably very frusterated at this point and I will tell you that if it were not for my parents thinking outside the box andencouraging me to follow every way out idea I had, I probably would have never showed that I care. The day will come when you will see that the child you worried about the most is the one you least needed to worry about. As mom I try to focus my son and have to always remind myself that he will find his own way. Hes done a great job so far. Not the best choices, but hes hapy

    Answer by Roharn at 5:48 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • Just as a side not. that doesnt say to let him run over you. Boundries must be set. lfl is right. But understanding why he is this way helps so much!

    Answer by Roharn at 5:51 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.