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If you, as the mother of the groom, were left out of the wedding but invited as a guest, be offended?

My BIL was recently married. He and his fiance had not been very involved in the family, but invited all of us to the wedding. My husband (his brother) and my daughter were both in the wedding party. He invited his mother (my MIL) and the rest of the immediate family. During the ceremony the preacher asked for the Mr and Mrs (insert bride's name) and Mr. and Mrs (so and so) to come up and take communion with the couple. This had been planned and my BIl had previously asked his 'mentor' from the church and his wife to stand in as his parents. Now my MIL and FIL did not know that this was going to be part of the wedding so of course they were shocked, angry, embasrrased when they were not invited up to be part of the wedding. They were never asked to be in it, they didn't know anything about it. Would you be pissed? Is it the groom's choice who he wants in the wedding, or should some things be traditional and reserved for only the parents of the couple.


Asked by Anonymous at 6:27 PM on Jun. 24, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • It's the special day of the bride and groom and by all means what they want for their special day is of the utmost importance. Those whom they deem as significant enough to be a part of the blessing of their union is of course their choice, tradition or not. However, with that being said, there is also something to be said about courtesy. The abrupt way it was sprung on the parents was obviously done for effect and imho done in poor taste. The parents should have been told of the decision to have others stand in their stead. I wasn't even invited to my son's wedding but he had the courtesy of informing me. Yes it hurt but I had to accept his decision.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:21 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • That's tricky. I don't know what your BIL and his parents' relationship is like. It is his choice who he has be a part of the ceremony. But that said, if I was his mother I would be totally offended. It's a major slap in the face, like saying to the world that he looks at that other couple more like his family than his own parents.

    Answer by amethystrse at 6:41 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • It is ALWAYS up to the couple getting married WHO is IN the wedding and who participates in what part. It's 2008 people! SCREW what your parents OR their parents did or what THEY consider to be tradition! It's the Bride and Groom's day......And to be pissy about being left out? Tell em to grow the hell up and STOP being soo damn petty!

    Answer by vbruno at 6:46 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • Well, not knowing anything about the dynamics of their relationship I would have to say I wouldn't be mad so much as hurt. I think that it would crush me if my son got a "fill in" for me while I'm right there.

    Answer by mandjsmama at 7:01 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • What is the meaning of traditional again? And what law says that you have to follow it? He probably "left them out" for a good reason. Is it not enough to be invited any more? I say don't take it personal. The embarrassment should fall more on the groom than the parents if they knew nothing about it.

    Answer by Queentdi at 7:03 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • Vbruno
    is just walking around being petty & childish today. i think it is time for her to grow up.
    It is up to the bride & groom. They should have let them know what they were planning though

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:15 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • Wow Vbruno! or should I say, Negative Nancy!!! (lol) you need ta chill lady. Don't answer these questions, noone needs your negative attitute.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:21 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • Hey guys, OP here, Please don't use this as a forum to diss another person. Answer MY question or take it somewhere else. I can't delete your comments, or I would. Thanks!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:28 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • i think that if they asked for the parents then the parents should have come up and not a stand in when his rents were there it is disrespectful and rude. i would be pissed, and i would have let it been know we spend years rasing our kids, that is a right as a parent. if they did not want his rents to go up they could have change the question to something like will the honored guset please come up and take ...........

    Answer by kbear at 9:22 PM on Jun. 24, 2008

  • It is up to the bride and groom. With that said, I think they should have mentioned it before the wedding to his parents so there were no surprises. That was kind of harsh IMO.

    Answer by ReneeK3 at 10:16 PM on Jun. 24, 2008