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My husband can't do things on his own!!! Help!!!

OK we are a newlyweds & 1st time parents. We have a little girl who is 17 months old. When I met my husband he was neat, tidy, well-kept, & Very Thoughtful!!!

But after we said our "I Do's!" He has changed alot!!!! He throws gus dirty laundry on the floor instead of the Laundry Basket. He doesn't pick up after himself. If our daughter is crying, he sits there until i say something to him.

He don't take the initiative to do things on his own unless I hint to him, or tell him directly. I am tired of telling him what to do, and I hate feeling so bossy its driving me nuts.

How can I get him to do things on his own and be the man he married without being so mean? What would you do?

Answer Question

Asked by navajomama7 at 5:14 PM on Nov. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,445 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Are you a SAHM mom? Because according to some women on here, if you are, that is all YOUR job!

    Ok in all seriousness now, I am right there with you. My SO can be like that. Just the other night I asked him why he threw his clothes on the floor instead of the laundry basket right after I got done cleaning our room! His answer? "I don't know." I think sometimes they just don't think. I just continue to ask him to do things, change a diaper or something ya know?! I try not to be naggy about it though. So far he will do the dishes without me asking now and put the kids in the bath so you'll get there!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:19 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • tell him. look we both had a something to do with aming the baby. so grow up and act like a father!!

    Answer by piwife at 5:20 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • Welcome to life with a man. They are dense, so we must tell them things. Seriously. This is a very common occurence and it's just how most men are I think. Some are better than others, but it's all about good training. LOL. Okay, not as bad as it sounds. But most men do want their wives to be happy, but generally have to TELL them what makes you happy, and then let them know how much you appreciate it when they do it. Even if you have to ask, give him a hug and say "I really love it when you X" or "It's very sexy to see you being so nurturing with dd". My DH eats that shit up, and eventually, they do it on their own to get your love and adoration. Seriously. I learned this from a therapist pastor guy, and it does work. Sex is a good reward, but don't use that way. Just tell him when he cooks dinner, it really turns you on and give it up that up. He'll put two and two together.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:22 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • Yeah, tell him that when he helps ,he looks good and he make you happy and makes you feel sexy. Tell him when he lies around and does nothing he looks very slobby and "Unsexy". Its worth a try. LOL. Men!!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:27 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • I know exactly what you mean. I am having the same problem with my son. He is 21 and he bought a house a few months ago and he and I live together. He doesn't do anything! If I ask him to do something then for sure he won't do it. He says not to boss him around. I ask nice and he doesn't do it.

    I'm disabled and can't do everything. I'm at a loss. I've had this problem with him in the past but it's gotten worse. My other sons have seen him do it and see it as disrespectful and are really upset with him.

    I bet you feel like you are being respected. Maybe if you tell your husband that it would help.

    Answer by Gailll at 5:28 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • sounds to me like either (a) you got married and had the kid before the honeymoon phase was over and the "real" him showed up or (b) he is depressed. stop nagging (as you want to do anyway) and talk to him... find out what's up and how you can both agree to move forward. it should be a partnership thing...

    Answer by figaro8895 at 5:31 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • Lol, my husband is sort of the same way, but slightly different. I'll ask him to help me clean, and he'll say "Ok, what should I do?" He willingly helps me, but I have to assign him each task, one at a time or he'll stand there looking around like "Uhhhhhh...." haha!
    I agree with Anon :22, though. Men are like dogs (I know it sounds really bad, but hey, what can you do???) and if you train them properly, they're very willing to please and they'll go out of their way to make you Good luck!

    Answer by SarahLeeMorgan at 5:43 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • I would just have an open dialogue and talk about it with one another. That's the best way to get things accomplished. After a while you'll start to feel like he doesn't appreciate you or care about you anymore because he doesn't help out. I had to tell my husband that taking some of the weight off of my shoulders just because he cares about me would be a great way to make me feel loved and valued. Men don't get the equate helping out with showing someone that they love them. When I explained it to my husband that way, it's like a light bulb went off in his head. He was like "oh, that's what will make her feel better", but seriously if this is the biggest issue of your marriage, I would say that you guys are doing great.

    Answer by lowencope at 7:00 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • Well you are not the only one. My hubby is the same way but...when I ask him to help me do something we knock out chores really fast when we do it together and he usually never complains. Instead of picking up his clothes for him the next time you are in your room show him and say "hun would you take care of those clothes please?" And stay on top of him on the little things like not putting his shoes in the rack. Just be polite about it. The one that bugs me the most is when my hubby asks me what he should feed our son. I tell him, "you figure it out. What would you do if I wasn't here?" And he has an idea and says it to me for reasurance but I will just tell him "you figure it out." You are not the only woman who goes through this! I know wonderful hubbies who do this same thing. I am grateful that my hubby will help after I ask. I would rather have to ask than not get any help at all.

    Answer by Tickledtrauma at 9:21 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • I read some stuff about men a while ago. It said that men need a lot of reminding. So don't feel like your hubby is defective or something. He is so normal. It does get annoying but he may make a habit out of these little things after a while. You will have to be a little tough on him but there are ways to do it with out nagging. My BIL would leave his dirty clothes on the floor and my sister got so sick of it she just threw them outside. No nagging in that one. hehehehee. If you try that one you may want to warn him first that way he can't get too upset when you finally do it.

    Answer by Tickledtrauma at 9:27 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

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