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How can I rekindle my sexual attraction to my man?

I have been in a relationship for three years now. Things are generally fine but our sex life is no fun. Between his inability to make me climax and his lack of endurance during the act sex totally sucks. I am finally getting over my hangups and trying to teach him how to get me off and he is learning. The problem is I don't have one iota of sexual attraction left for him. I also have little respect for him as a man. He is very feminine and has none of the more manly traits that light my fire. It's like it doesn't matter how good he gets in bed, it isn't going to matter unless I am attracted to him. I have to pretend it is someone else to get aroused and then as soon as I open my eyes or he talks it is gone. Even worse seeing him has the opposite effect. How do I make myself be attracted to him again?

Answer Question

Asked by firstimemom4049 at 7:57 PM on Nov. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • If you aren't married, it may be time to set him free, and yourself, and move on?

    Answer by Bmat at 8:00 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • If you are not married than move on.

    Answer by gammie at 8:02 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • I agree, you can only fake it so long.
    Its not fair to either of you.

    Answer by Gealach at 8:06 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • Ditto.

    Answer by Vero0724 at 8:08 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • What attracted you to him to begin with? If he's that repulsive to you, is it just a mechanism of having had bad sex for so long, or is it that you never were really sexually attracted to him? What makes him effeminate?

    It sounds like you need to do some soul searching. If you love him, and you WERE sexually attracted to him, then there's hope. But if you find that you were always more attracted to the IDEA of him, rather than the reality, then it's not fair to hang around and continue to have bad sex for the rest of your life. It can't be all that satisfying for him either, you know?

    Talk to him. But before you do, decide what you want, and if you were ever really attracted to him.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 8:12 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • Wow... I am slightly speechless. I was going to tell you to fantasize about him but.... I don't know after reading that. Okay. I rekindled my yearn for my man by fantasizing about him. Yes, think about those things you think he would never do. Imagina all the sweet stuff you wish he would do. Imagine the sex you would like to have. And tell him about it afterwords. And he has got to work on his stamina. It takes a lot of stamina to get a girl off if she isn't a pro at having orgasms. He needs to quit masturbating if he is because that is how a lot of men get premature ejaculation syndrom. They take care of themselves so fast that they never teach themselves to have stamina. Or tell him that when he does stroke it...he needs to take at least 15 minutes. I don't want to be pessemistic but I think your problem is deeper. Do you still love him but are not attracted to him? Or are you not in love with him at all?

    Answer by Tickledtrauma at 8:36 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • In response to the questions you ladies have asked

    I do love him but there are deeper issues in our relationship. Our relationship has issues but I think they largely stem from the sex problems. It is amazing how that can wear on a relationship.

    In the beginning I was more attracted to him. Years of bad sex have worn that attraction down.

    He is just a feminine sensitive guy. Some guys just are I guess. He isn't gay or anything just not macho at all.

    I do still love him and want to make this work. That is why I am trying to figure out how to fix this. If I wanted to move on I wouldn't care about rekindling the passion.

    We have tried lots of things to improve his endurance and nothing works. Not to be to blunt but I am thinking of asking him to try a c*ck ring, I have heard it helps them to last longer. But honestly he could be casanova in bed, but without attraction it won't help.

    Answer by firstimemom4049 at 9:10 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • Well, it sounds like you WILL have more attraction once your sex life improves. A cockring isn't a bad idea at all. Definately give that a try.

    Have you talked to him about this? Have you asked him to be more aggressive with you in the bedroom?

    Answer by Ati_13 at 9:47 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

  • could he be gay? and you should only be friends.

    Answer by gammie at 11:31 PM on Nov. 11, 2009

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