Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How to deal w/my dd's bff relationship?

Well,they say there are the haves and have nots-I am afraid that we are the have nots!
My dd's friend and her family have anything and everything. My dd at 91/2 is telling me that everyone in her class has a cell phone. I don't know why they would since they don't make many calls any way. She wants a cell-naturally.
At any rate. I don't really know exactly where her friendship is headed w/this girl but I am afraid she is going to end up feeling badly because her bff (and everyone else) is fairly wealthy and we are poor.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:29 AM on Nov. 12, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (9)
  • We aren't "rich" but we aren't "poor" either...but every kid over 9 that I know around here (my boy is only 5 so) has a cell phone it seems like!

    Answer by SterlingLegend at 8:41 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • Honestly, I don't see that as to big an issue. Stick to your guns about your family's financial abilities and don't try to keep up with the Jones' ('cause chances are the Jones' are broke!). A reality check in life- seeing you not scramble after the materialistic things in life- seeing you handle money responcibly- and seeing you generally be happy with what you do have is more important than having what everyone else has.

    Just in general, start listening to Dave Ramsey or reading his books (check them out from the local library). He'll knock that need to have "stuff" right out, and you'll be confident that you're teaching your daughter the best by not giving into the social pressures for things.

    Answer by IrishMommaC at 8:42 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • We ARE poor.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:43 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • OP-I have never heared of Dave Ramsey.
    I can check him out;) It is hard for me because I was brought up in a middle class family who had a lot of money and all. I have a family farm that we live on,a small trust fund and my kids go to private school-because I HAD to send them as they have some challenges. A lot of these kids have soo much but my dh is just a prision officer for the state. Things are kinda hacka wacky. My dd sees these kids at school w/all this stuff,its hard.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:56 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • I live in a fairly wealthy area and we don't have as much as most of the people around here. I've taught my kids to be happy with what they have and who they are. They know that I can't afford an ipod touch for them, even though most of their (elementary school) friends have them - they asked me once, I said no. As far as a cell phone - you can get her a prepaid one from Target or something and only put a few minutes one it (some of them you have to put on like $20/month). Particularly if she isn't using it often, at least she could say she has one.
    I grew up with a bff who was much wealthier than my family - I used to go on trips with her family to the Peach Bowl every year, or to one of their mountain houses or beach condos. I never minded I didn't have as much and she never made me feel bad about it - I loved going with her!

    Answer by missanc at 10:59 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • My kids go to a nice private school where you can definitely see the haves, have nots, and those of us who are okay, but would rather not spend every extra dime on cells, ipods and laptops for our 9 yr old. DD is 10 and doesn't have a cell. I would say that she is in the definitely minority and poor DS1, he is in 6th grade w/out a cell. It has made them appreciate what they do have - nice cameras, iPods and parents who spend time with them instead of handing them off to the nanny. And honestly, the biggest "we don't have" we have gotten is DD's bff got a puppy and DD knows that we cannot for my health.

    Answer by balagan_imma at 2:20 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Do you really think your 9 year old needs a cell phone? If you think she does you can get prepaid ones for less the $30.00 at Walmart. Have her save the money to pay for 1/2 of it. Make sure she know's you will not buy her minutes. She has to buy them. Or, tell her she gets 10.00 a month for extra chores and when its gone its gone. Kids are so funny. When I was a kid they didnt have cells. I remember feeling pretty poor and lame because we only had 1 tv in our house lol.

    Answer by mistynights234 at 5:06 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • We live in an area where most people make 6 figures, the average house is between 800,000 and 1.2 mil........... I only say that to point out that there are alot of "haves" here.......and the kids around here usually get cell phones for an elementary graduation gift. So dont believe her when she says "everyone" has one at 9... it simply isnt true.

    Unless she "needs" it there is no reason to have a cell phone for the sake of having a cell phone.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:06 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Can you explain to your daughter that you can't afford a cell phone right now for her? I know when Nikki asks if she can have something I have to explain that we don't have the money to keep up with the Jones.I also make her earn those kinds of privledge.I do know how you feel because we fall in a school district that is really full of well off people.

    Answer by preciouschild at 2:48 AM on Nov. 15, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Tweens (9-12)
thong question

Next question overall (Pregnancy)
A little crampy...