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Should we reposses

It was agreed with my daughter that she would pay $100/month on her car that we paid for and she would pay us back. She's only going part time to college and she's working full time. She's also living with her father so she has very little in expenses. She hasn't paid anything for several months and we had told her we could reposses the car if she didn't pay (We have a lein on the car). I forsee her saying she can't get to college/work without it and she's broke and yet she always has money to run wherever she wants. I know the saying don't loan anything to family that you can't afford to lose but that's not the point. What I want is for her to grow up & stop running away everytime things get hard. I've emailed her & left messages which she hasn't returned.

So do we or do we not go get the car?


Asked by baconbits at 9:32 AM on Nov. 12, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 26 (26,944 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I would take it away and then reach an agreement on how she could get it back. If she needs a ride somewhere well she should have to find one, this is part of being an adult. She may be mad at you know but someday when she is a responsible functioning adult she just may thank you for teaching her a lesson.

    Answer by PsychMommie at 10:25 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • Tough Love... I would reposess it. If you told her that was what you were going to do, do it. If you don't do it how will she learn that for every action there is a reaction??? If she is living with her father why can't he help her?? She needs to grow up and be made responsible for her decisions and responsabilities, especially if she is over 18.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • What's more important, the money or your daughter? Taking the car may ruin your relationship forever. If you are financially able contact her and tell her you realize she must be under financial pressure if she can't pay the $100 and the car is your gift to her.

    Her father is letting her live with him while she goes to college. That probably costs him over $100 a month.

    Answer by Gailll at 9:41 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • I would take back the car. After a few days of not having it and having to find rides to get places I imagine she'll come up with the $100 real quick. If she's working full time and living with her dad, she should be able to make a 100 dollar payment every month.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • Responsibility is a valuable lesson to learn. Tell her that if she has to buy another car the payments will be a lot more than $100 a month so you are doing her a favor but if she doesn't appreciate what you are doing for her then someone else will when you repossess the car and sell it to someone else. Don't enable her. She might get pissed off but she has to learn the value of a dollar. It's not like she's struggling if she lives with dad and doesn't pay expenses to live.

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:45 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • Pick up the car Friday night or Saturday morning. She will get her shit together by Monday!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • It's not a simple matter to reposses the car as she's now living 3 hours away. If we do it then it will be forever or unless she pays the entire amount. I'm just tired of her running out on her obligations. I still get the unpaid bills from her last apartment because she had them forwarded to our house when she lived with us for 5 months. Sometimes I just wish she would face up to her debt. I'm scared that one of these days it's going to be more serious and the police instead will show up on her door with a warrent. We're talking credit cards, overdrawn bank accounts, unpaid gas & electric bills, etc.

    Answer by baconbits at 4:48 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • unless she pays the entire amount  -- What is the entire amount?

    I know the saying don't loan anything to family that you can't afford to lose but that's not the point. That is why the saying is so true. 

    You have been cuddling to the situation where she see's that okay to do.  You two chooses have the car reposses or let her have the car as a gift.  The only way she'll grow up and own up to her responsbility is for you not to pay her bill. Mail those unpaid bill to her or tell the creditors the new address.   


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:41 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • Here's a question. Can YOU afford the car? Really? Because I see parents all the time striving to "keep the relationship with their kids" and are bankrupting themselves. What you are doing is enabling her. I know you love your daughter, but part of love is allowing her to face the consequences of her actions rather than shielding her from them. No, I do not have adult children, but I raised my now 19 year old sister for a while, and I will tell you it is hands down the hardest thing to do. We want to rescue them, and help them. However, what is she going to learn by keeping the car? That you'll bail her out. If she needed help, that's one thing. She doesn't. She's just putting herself in debt. With a full time job and living with dad, there's no way her expenses are so tight she can't pay you $100.

    Answer by apexmommy at 9:04 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • If she had bought the car on her own and wasn't making the payments it would be repo'ed. Why should it be any different just because you own the car? You said that you have a lien on it....does that mean that you owe a dealer a monthly payment or did you buy it outright and are now selling it to her on a contract? If you are making payments then those monthly payments she's skipping are creating a burden for you. If you own the car outright it's not hurting you financially but it's the priciple of the matter. Don't shelter her. Do exactly what the real world would do to her in this situation. They'd take the car back.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 AM on Nov. 13, 2009