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Do you ever get tired of being bashed?

As a foster mom sometimes it gets so hard to hear people bash you for doing what you think is a good thing. I don't know how many times I have heard from birthparents that I'm only in foster care so I can get THEIR kids and adopt them or that I'm just in it for the money. We're not in it to adopt but foster only (not saying never though) and you sure don't get rich on the little bit they give you to help out. Sometimes it gets so frustrating and I just want to throw the towel in but then I remember all the joys of seeing them grow and realize there is a whole nother world out there that isn't envolved with abuse. I guess after 7 years in foster care it just gets old. I guess what I'm needing is to know there are others out there that feel like me sometimes.

 
baconbits

Asked by baconbits at 9:46 AM on Nov. 12, 2009 in Adoption

Level 26 (26,792 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • I get it too & get QUITE sick of it. If anyone has any sense, they'd know the stipends are NOT enough to support a child, much less to pay you for everything you do in most cases. People who do it for the money need mental health services. YES, I know they exist but I get so sick of being compared to the bad ones, it's unreal.

    Biofamilies act like WE are the bad ones. HELLO, it's not my fault foster parents are needed. I have even gotten this ideation from some of the kids in my care. It's my fault they're in care. I don't typically know a child before they go in care, so the fact that it's my fault they're there usually becomes a topic of discussion once they're calm.

    Someone on here a while back said something to the effect of foster parents are the only ones who never get bashed and they're viewed as saints. I didn't reply but laughed, a lot
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 10:27 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • dont worry about what other people have to say, what you are doing is AWESOME not everybody or anybody could do wht u are doing. It takes a lot to take care of foster kids cuz they come in too ur home with lots of problems. I had a friend who was a foster parent and OMG she had some stories. So u do what u do best after 7 yrs im sure u are a good foster mom and im sure some day u will see what God has for u, for taking care of kids thier own mothers couldnt do
    mommyoftow

    Answer by mommyoftow at 10:00 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • I am sorry you are getting bashed. Know that no matter who you are or what you do, there will be people ready to bash you. Try to take comfort in knowing that YOU know that your acts are well motivated. Yes, getting bashed gets old sometimes, but it can also mean that you are being heard at least. Otherwise, people might ignore you.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 10:16 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • con't

    I can say that we DO adopt - but only after reunification efforts do not work. We go in with the plan that reunification is goal and support that but have asked that we be considered for adoption should reunification not work out.

    We also do respite and emergency care - again, you can't tell me that $12 for a couple days care is worth the call to come to the Sheriff's department in the middle of the night to pick of a terrified child who has been taken from their mommy after who knows what kind of horror is enough money to do it for that.

    DH and I have been parenting other people's children for 16 years now... you DO get used to it, to a degree. For the first several years, though, I got so tired of being the "bad guy" when really I was the guy who loved them and cared enough.

    Have I gotten to the point that I get ready to quit? SURE and thank HEAVENS that DH isn't ready on the same days as me! :)
    AAAMama

    Answer by AAAMama at 10:32 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • I have nothing but respect for the majority of people who choose to foster. Shame on people on judging you for being selfless.
    loveTHM

    Answer by loveTHM at 10:48 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • Terrible how all the bad foster parents make the news, but the good ones go unappreciated. I used to teach, and i know how much money i spent (of my own) on things for the classroom. I imagine good foster parents are like this. I'm sure more is spent than what the state gives you. I have also seen parents who have foster kids, and i didn't know they were foster until something came up that it was revealed, becasue these parents treat the foster kids as their own. So, i have a lot of respect for foster parents. I've always wanted to do it, but my husband says no. He knows it would be too hard on me to let go of a child i've loved for some time. He's right.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • I'm sorry that you are getting bashed for being a foster parent. I honestly feel being a foster parent is one of the most giving things a person can do to help those children who are truly in need of love, support and guidance and sense of security and stability. In fact I have thought about doing this myself (even as birth mother), the idea of being able to help children get through probably a very traumatic time in the their life is just something that I feel in my heart.
    I guess there will also be people out there that will bash for anything, but I feel mostly those people are simply uneducated.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 11:20 AM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • So it's just birthparents that bash you?

    That's werid considering the majority of us birthmother's on here are all for foster care.
    rainfalls

    Answer by rainfalls at 2:42 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • rainfalls: I'm not saying birthmoms on CM bash but the ones that I deal with on a daily basis. I realize that many of them are hurting because their kids have been removed but I'm not the reason it happened. It just really gets to me sometimes especially the times that you have complete strangers say "you just do it for the money". I don't think anyone could pay me enough to put up with what we do. Trying to change behaviors that are destructive, hurtful, etc. Sometimes it just gets you down.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 4:45 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • I love Foster Parents and wish that they received the respect that they deserve. The are not only disrespected often by the families of the children they are caring for but also at times by the systems through which the children come to them.

    Truly, foster parents and the alumi who have come through foster care are the EXPERTS and our child welfare systems by in large do not see them as such. You are so much more than just a home with a particular number of licensed beds. I'm so sorry that you're feeling down.

    Are you aware of FosterClub? http://www.fosterclub.com/ It is a national network for young people in foster care but also full of alumni of care who aged out of the system and depended entirely on caring foster parents to not only provide a roof and meals but everything necessary to become adults with a vision for the future. Do not think you are forgotten!!!
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 5:55 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

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