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At my wits end with my darling stepson

I love my stepson very much, I have been a huge part of his life for 7 years and he will be 8 next week. For the first four years of his life, his mother was absent for the most part, so I was pretty much mom for those first four years. He and his mother now have a strained relationship, but he has two overnights a week with her. The biggest issue here however, is that every time it is the day he goes to his mothers house, regardless of what day of the week it is, he has these meltdowns. He says he panics about going, but once he gets there really enjoys himself. He acts like he enjoys himself there too. But in the mornings, he will not get ready for school, cop an attitude, say hateful things about her, throw fits and just be an all around monster. When asked if he wants to go, he will invariably say yes. I am just not sure what is happening and why. And I am not sure what sort of disciplinary actions should be taken.

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Mom1Stepmom1

Asked by Mom1Stepmom1 at 4:41 PM on Nov. 12, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,498 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • Did you ever condsider that maybe he doesn't want YOU to feel bad that he has to go stay with his "birth" mom. I am sure that you are his "real" mom and you would be amazed at what an 8 year old can feel. I have an 7 year old who will be 8 in December and the thoughts that go through his head are amazing. Try sitting him down and asking him if he feels bad that he enjoys being with his other mom. Tell him, even if he denies it, that it's ok that he wants to spend time and enjoys being with her. Hug him, reassure him, love him. I don't think that disciplinary actions are going to help. It may take a few conversations to convince him, but hopefully he will come around.
    chapina69

    Answer by chapina69 at 5:39 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • I have told him time and time again that I want nothing more for him than to have a solid good relationship with his mom, and I am the one that is primarily working toward that with the two of them. I am kind of the mediator in the family, and I am the one that everyone talks to about what they are feeling and what is going on.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 7:42 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • Sounds like my ex who would pick a fight until I threw him out of the house whenever he wanted to go hang with friends. I was perfectly fine with him going, but he would feel guilty about it so would start a fight.

    Do you have any type of relationship with his BM? Maybe the 3 of you could go to lunch so he can see that you are ok with her?
    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 9:08 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

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