Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

am i wrong to feel this way??

my grandmother passed away today. im sad but i am also angry. i feel guilty because im angry but i cant help it. she was in her 60s and passed from emphazima. im mad that her last words to me were scolding me about my son because she felt i didnt do something right (parenting wise), im angry that she didnt quit smoking when she was diagnosed with COPD and that it could have extended her life if only she had stopped. im angry because she was so hard on me (much harder than she was on the rest of the kids). im angry because my cousin was the "golden child" even though he stole from them numerous times and was a drug addict who honestly didnt care (im recovering for almost 2 years but i never stole from anyone or did half the things he did). im angry because i tried so hard to make her proud and she never once told me if i succeeded. im angry because i cant bring her back and i cant fix this. continued...

Answer Question
 
SThompson21

Asked by SThompson21 at 9:08 PM on Nov. 12, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • It's okay to be angry. After my Mom died I was very angry. I took it out on the ones I loved and made a huge mess of my life. Get it off your chest, cry as much or as little as you need to. Don't let her control how you feel even after she's gone. You must have loved her if she made such a huge impression on your life, and remember she's watching over you and I'm sure she's very proud of you. The pain of losing her will never go away, but it will get easier to handle. I miss my Mom so much but I know she's with me when I need her.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 9:14 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • im angry because she wouldnt answer my calls (i knew she was there because she was confined to her bed), im angry because maybe we could have been closer if only she would have answered her phone. im angry because she wouldnt tell me that she loved me unless i told her first. im angry because she is gone. im angry because one of the strongest women in my life has left me. im angry because she wont be here for thanksgiving or christmas (they were always big at her house and a tradition). im just angry! but im so sad too. i dunno maybe i just needed to get this out..am i wrong for feeling the way i do? how can i let go of my anger when i have so much of it? i dont want to be angry... :'( *extra side note-she wasnt a horrible woman. she is/was loved very very much and i will miss her very much.
    SThompson21

    Answer by SThompson21 at 9:14 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • You are not wrong to feel the way you do. It is a natural part of reacting to death, especially in this case where it would seem that she could have done things differently. The bitterness that you feel on the unfair treatment to you is normal. Grieve and grieve, let it all out. Let yourself feel very angry and very sad. It will take time for the feelings to mellow, possibly a long time. Be patient with yourself. Try to remember good times and love, and don't be down on yourself for negative thoughts and feelings. You know that you loved her. Grieve, my friend. and mix those feelings of loss and sadness with feelings of the good times and good memories. You will come through this. many hugs (((SThompson))) and prayers. I am very sorry for your loss.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 9:22 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • Anger is an absolutely normal part of the grieving process. Everyone that loses someone has something to be angry about. Talk about it, discuss it with friends and other trustworthy family members, maybe even seek counselling. This is only the first day. It will fade after time, and will resurface less and less. What helped me was to remind myself to forgive and let go, repeatedly. Sometimes I might spend half of my day doing that.....
    WindyTheWidow

    Answer by WindyTheWidow at 9:22 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • Its ok. After all you were just trying to protect her.
    IraqiVetWife

    Answer by IraqiVetWife at 9:27 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • No, you are not wrong to feel angry. Feeling anger is part of the 5 stages of grief that Elizabeth Kubler Ross came up wiith in 1969. Google her and you will see the 5 stages that people go through while grieving a death. There is no time table for grief and everyone handles grief and the stages differently. I am really sorry for your loss.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:38 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • Oh my friend all these emotions are normal as normal can be. When it goes on and on and prevents you from moving on then it's a problem. But allow yourself to feel what you feel, denying those feelings and trying to keep them inside will just make you crazy. Anger when not let out turns to bitterness and comes out in ways we don't want it to. So vent, cry, write it out, hey I'm here if you just want to rant on line.
    teamquinn

    Answer by teamquinn at 9:40 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.