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Afraid if I say no to sex, he'll get it someplace eles

I've been married two years. We have a beautiful 1 year old daughter.
I was married once before. And while pregnant with his daughter, I was put on bedrest with NO SEX. After a little bit, he started cheating on me because I wasn't allowed to have sex due to preterm contractions and my water was "peirced."

His mother told me "You better have sex, or he'll find it some other place." and that he did. We broke off and have been divorced a while.

I've been scared recently because I haven't been able to have sex as much because due to be being pregnant again.. everytime we have sex I throw up.. Or get really bad acid reflux during the deed.

We have sex maybe once every two weeks. And I just can't get it out of my head that I better have sex or he's going to find it someplace eles.

I know he'd never cheat.. So how do I "re program" my heart and mind.. and stop thinking this?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:21 PM on Nov. 12, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I agree with the above posts! Talk to him and let him know the situation. Let him know that it's not that you don't want to but that it makes you sick, also if you can't perform intercourse, try other things. It might just be as satisfying to him. I really do hope that this guy is more understanding! not all men are the same and your ex is a flippin idiot and I hope he gets a disease for being a hoe! h doesn't derseve you and I commend you for leaving him, alot of people don't for diffrent reasons but I'm glas you did!

    Answer by babyangelromero at 12:23 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • You can't punish him with distrust just because your ex was an idiot. You need to let your husban stand on his own merrits. Explain to him what happened between you and your ex and that you don't think he would be the same way but because of your experience, you are insecure. Ask him to work with you through your insecurity and let him know it isn't his fault. Not having sex with someone for your health and your baby's health is a perfectly valid reason not to have sex and it certainly does not make someone cheating on you "your fault." You've got to give your husband a chance. Take it one day at a time, let yourself enjoy your life, your pregnancy and your husband.

    Answer by NovemberLove at 10:29 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • have you tried being on top? maybe lying on your back makes you feel sick because all of the sloshing around in your belly...if he cheats because of no sex then he's an asshole that dosen't deserve you or your kids, as for the ex, i know it's hard to forget but like pp said you can't punish your new man b/c the last one was an's normal to have these feelings because of what happened in the past gl i hope your new man is more understanding

    Answer by josiesmommy00 at 10:32 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • Great sex is mostly mental so if you are scared or stressed about having sex then that sucks. It can ruin it for both of you. What about just play time (bj or jerking him off)? Would he be ok with that?

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:10 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Talk to him. Tell him your concerns, and why you have them. He may be able to put you at ease. Not all men are like your first husband.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 AM on Nov. 13, 2009