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I tried to talk to my husband again about his verbal affair with two different women.

I found out 4 months ago and we talked about it then. But, tonight was the first time we REALLY talked about it sense. He basicly said I need to get over it and move on or I need to leave. To a certain point he is probably right. but, I told him I can't get over it unless you talk about it with me. I told him I might be fine for a few days and then one day I might just start crying for no reason and need to talk. But, he does not really seem willing to talk. I was talking to him tonight and I said one thing he didn't like and got up and put on his shoes and said he was leaving and going to sleep in the car! He ended up no doing that. What am I suppose to do I need him to communicate with me about this. What would you do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:20 PM on Nov. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Well, he does have a point. But if in order for you to move on you have some more questions, he should answer them for you. Ask him for full disclosure and to answer any of your questions, then promise to think about it for a few days whatever in order to drop it once and for all. Whatever you ask may raise more questions and whatever answers you get may take some times to digest. As long as you aren't rubbing his face in it, he needs to respect your need to be informed. I'd also ask as many questions that came up in my head before clearing the air and you want to be sure it won't happen again! Ask him to be fair to you.
    Seven07

    Answer by Seven07 at 11:27 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • i completely understand your situation..
    it seems like you really do want to "move on" from it, so i would explain that to him.. and remind him you're not tryin to start a fight or anything like that, because some men can shutdown when it becomes too confrontational or emotional. but when you talk to him, just try to stay positive instead of laying on the guilt (..even tho he deserves it!)
    and if you just forget about it, trust me, it WILL eat you up and you will just end up being bitter.. and that would ruin your relationship more than just getting it out in the air.
    Samanthao2006

    Answer by Samanthao2006 at 11:45 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • so after one of my ex's cheated on me. I got back with him! Love is blind! I was having such a hard time dealing with it that we went to counceling! During the session the therapist asked me if I forgave him and I said yes but I explained that I was still hurting, At that moment she said you either need to accept it, forgive him and move on with him and not bring it up again or not acccept it and don't forgive him and leave him. I pressed the issue because I wanted to know why. I wanted to know what I was doing wrong! She told me that I did nothing wrong for as much as I wanted to put it on me it was not my fault and then she said that "why?" is the most painful question you can ask. After that I forgave him and didn't bring it up again and I left him but for other reasons. Obvisously he screwed up by emotionally cheating but you have to forgive him and move on or not forgiveh im and leave! I wish you luck! God bless you!
    babyangelromero

    Answer by babyangelromero at 11:46 PM on Nov. 12, 2009

  • I'd drop it and move on.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:11 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Is this a "yeah I messed up deal with it attitude" or is it a "yeah I messed up, I'm sorry, lets bury it so we can move on attitude" ? Your post sounds like it is the first. In the end only you can make the right decision. All I can say is that I would not have moved on so smoothly if my Husband had had the attitude your Husband has. He needs to learn the meaning of compassion, accountability and understanding. IMO women can not move on unless they have these three things.
    So here we are. Your Husband's attitude is not going to change. So, million dollar question, what now?
    Are you going to suck it up and move on?
    Are you going to see a counselor (most likely alone)?
    Are you going to leave?
    I personally would have issues with his lack of accountability and would not trust him without it. Serious accountability imo shows that they know what they did was wrong and want to change.
    kc932

    Answer by kc932 at 9:11 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • He has a point, and it's true you need to quit dwelling on it, but a counselor said that if you cheat, and your spouse needs you to be open and understanding, and willing to talk about it, then let them be, or else it will only build up until they explode on you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:38 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

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