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What do I do?

Ok this is long sorry. I am so confused and don't know what to do. I mean my head tells me one thing and my heart says another. I have been with my DH for 13 1/2 yrs. Up until the last 2 things were great. I felt like he was my soul mate. Now I don't feel that way. 2 yrs ago July we seperated because of my son from a former marriage was giving me problems. Shoving me around, cursing me crap like that. And I had him arrested for domestic violence. My dh is a truck driver and was on the road at the time, I called him afterwards crying about what had happened and he started telling me that my son who was 16 at the time could not come back into our house. That I had to choose my son or him. I couldn't throw my 16 yr old son in the streets so he moved out. My ex didn't want my son b'cause my son and his new wife didn't get along. After my dh moved out my son just got worse. So I called my ex and told him you have to take CONT

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:05 AM on Nov. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • him because Im not going to be abused anymore. Ex agreed after arguing for days over it. And things remained strained between my DH . I lost my home because I was unable to make mortage payments of 1200.00 on my own, and pay everything else. My son settled down after finally getting into some big trouble where my ex lived, and came back home in March of last yr. Then in June, I left our home and moved into a rental. My DH moved back in to help me with the bills and stuff, and we were "JUST friends" . But he wanted the husband /wife relationship still, after awhile We started trying to work on our relationship. And it has been going ok. Till recently we started fighting more, and he started talking to this hoe that a friend of his hooked him up with while we were seperated. I found out that he is talking to her, and he denies it. He screams at me when I mention it. Why is that? because he is Quility or what?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:11 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Cont
    And last Jan, before he moved back in, while we were attempting to work things out. A friend of mine called me at almost midnight and told me he was at the hotel just down the street. I went there to see if it was true, and sure enough there he was with his "supposed" friend from work. This woman chased him for long time. I confronted him and her. And we didn't talk for while, then he started coming back around. I forgave him. I think, but now all those old feelings are coming out again. Im so lost I don't know what to do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Umm ok why would you let ANYONE back in your home who beat you? I'm sorry but I hope your hubby divorces you... You are selfish. JMO.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Selfish? that is my flesh and blood. I think anyone who could put a child on the street without a second thought is cold hearted. Maybe I was taught differently than you. Morals I guess. =shrugs=
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:28 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • yea OP you are real helpful.

    The feeling you have is normal, after what you have been through. My ex cheated on me, and I had those feelings for a long time -- I wanted to be with him, but it also made me feel quesy, thinking about being with him, after knowing what he did -- he too always denied even though I had soo much proof. I never thought that feeling would go away.... well i finally left him, quit talking to him and moved on ( 10 months later I met my husband) ....I haveto admit, sometimes i do still miss him, but I dont have those feelings anymore...they went away in about a year.
    glamomomo

    Answer by glamomomo at 2:29 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • yea OP you are real helpful.

    Huh?

    I know what my son done is wrong, But he is my child. Does that make me selfish? Maybe im sheltered, I dunno.

    This woman that I caught him with also told me that their fling started in Jan, 6 months before we were seperated. My family believes he took advantage of my son's behavior and used it as a excuse to leave. But that's the part I dont understand. If it was my son, why would he moved back in with us? Im so confused. I want to leave him honestly, but Im stuck. I feel trapped like a rat, I got hurt at work in Apr and on WC. I can't work, and he knows this and uses it to his advantage IMO. Last week we got into a huge fight, and I told him I was going to call my lawyer so I could go back to work injured or not, and he started threatening me, and telling me how I couldn't make it on my own and he wouldnt help me. Its just a vicous cycle with him. I hate him at times, arrrggg
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:48 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • You need to pick one relationship and work on that one. This is a situation where pleasing one is going to cause displeasure with another. You must choose which relationship is the most important to you and let the others go, at least for now. Every choice we make has consequences, some good and some bad. The more bad ones a person makes, the more compounded are the issues one must deal with. So just pick one, and concentrate on making that relationship the best it can be, remembering that it still may not turn out to be fulfilling, the way you would like it to be.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:57 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Honestly I think you should leave him..this isnt a healthy relationship,especially with the cheating(on his end)and wanting you to choose between your son and him.Check out social services and see if there is any help you can get.I would leave him,I would rather struggle alone and make it that way,then be with someone that obviously has no respect for you or your son.
    Nattiesmom9603

    Answer by Nattiesmom9603 at 9:32 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • I would have done the same thing you did, concerning your son. No man will ever come before my kids! I'm not sure if your marriage can be saved, if it were me I would never forgive or trust a man again who made me choose between them and my child.
    robyann

    Answer by robyann at 10:28 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

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