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Who is right? Am I being too hard on my daughter? (sorry this is long)

This has been an issue since Sky started at the Senior High School this year...getting to the bus on time. The bus stop is 4 blocks away and the bus picks up there at 7:22. The first couple of times Sky missed the bus I was mildly irritated but I drove her to school anyway. Times 3 &4 I was pissed but I didn't want her to miss class so I still drove her. At that time I made it clear that if she missed again, she had to walk (2 miles). I made sure she understood that in order to catch the bus, she had to leave the house no later than 7:15, but I expected her to be walking out the door at 7:10. Sure enough, the 5th time happened and I made her walk. Fortunately, it was warm outside. She was late and missed a class but she made it.

I thought that she had learned her lesson until today. I woke up and walked past her room. She was in there laying on the bed fully dressed.
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benjamink

Asked by benjamink at 10:38 AM on Nov. 13, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 10 (378 Credits)
Answers (32)
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    listening to music and on the computer. I assumed from the sunlight that it was around 6:30 so I went into the living room and turned on the news to listen to while I straightened up a bit. After a while, Skylar came rushing in and ran out the door. I looked at the time on the tv screen and it said 7:19. I said to me mom, "she's going to be late." Sure enough, I saw her walking real fast, then she stopped at the corner. The phone rang. It was her; she said that she was going to be late and would I take her to school. I said no, you knew what time you had to leave. She said, but it's cold and snowing. I said, too bad.

    I hung up the phone. A couple of minutes later she comes back in the house mad. At this point she ignores me and brings my mom into it. OF COURSE my mom feels bad for her and tries to get me to drive her. I said it's not about gas money, or me being inconvenienced, it's about learning responsibility.
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    benjamink

    Answer by benjamink at 10:40 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • CONT
    and that there are consequences for poor choices. So Sky gets pissy and says she's riding her bike to school. I don't like her to do that because she doesn't have a lock. I told her if it got stolen I wasn't going to replace it. She left and called back again 10 minutes or so to talk to my mom. I could tell she was talking about what a horrible person I am. When my mom got off the phone she tried to get me to pick Sky up and drive her the rest of the way because it was snowing so hard she couldn't see, also how was she going to get her bike home after school? I said the same way she got it to school, ride it. I refused to pick her up after school, either.

    So now my mom is harping at me, that I'm too hard on her. I explained the same thing. She will be on her own in a few years and she has to start being responsible for her actions.
    benjamink

    Answer by benjamink at 10:43 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • you are right
    mandielynn23

    Answer by mandielynn23 at 10:43 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

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    My mom said that it was too late to teach her that (she'll be 16 next month), I should have taught her a long time ago. She's just making me feel really guilty. Truthfully, am I too hard on her?

    Sorry this is so long.
    benjamink

    Answer by benjamink at 10:45 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • it's not too late to teach accountability, also make sure she has consequences for unexcused tardies, you are doing the right thing and it's really refreshing to see
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:47 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • She needs to experience the consequences of her actions. First, sit down with and ask her to tell you what her plans are for the next 5-10 years, and what steps she needs to take to achieve her goals. Chances are good that education is an important part of this. Once she has made the connection, she may be a bit more motivated.

    My freshman needs to be out the door at 6:30. her alarm goes off at 5:45; she is up by 6. I walk to the bus stop with her to keep her company, make her feel secure, and make sure she eats her breakfast. If she missed the bus, she will miss the train and half of her first class.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:49 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • bet after that cold snowy ride to school... she wont miss the bus again for awhile!
    amy31308

    Answer by amy31308 at 10:53 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • No, you are not wrong expecting her to get to the bus stop on time. Also, kids need to learn there are consequences for their actions.

    However, since she was ready to go but just laying on her bed, it sounds like today may have been a situation when she just lost track of time. I myself can do that. Maybe you could buy her a second alarm clock that goes off at 7:00 which would give her a reminder that it is almost time to leave.

    Also, when you woke up and saw her laying on her bed, did you talk to her and say anything like, "All ready to go? It's almost 7:00, don't be late."
    Dyndudes

    Answer by Dyndudes at 10:55 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • It is certainly not too late to teach her anything! I too have a 16 yo dd who has trouble getting anywhere on time. Her friends call it "A-time". Mine too had trouble with getting to the bus on time, she would have to leave my house at 6:30 am to make it. And it was dark still, Luckily dh leaves for work at 7 so he takes her. It just works for us, but it she had to get the bus she would be leaving at 6:30. I have always had issues with my mom, so her harping on me wouldn't help my dd case. I learned along time ago to block out my mom's judgements, there are too many!
    GL. and stay strong it may be the bus this year, God only knows what next year will bring.
    wallmom1

    Answer by wallmom1 at 10:56 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • If you can take her use this time to bond, she will be gone before you know it and you are going to wish you had made more time with her. If it is absolutely necessary she takes that bus for whatever reason, that is a different story, all she sees is a mom who can't make time for her. She will have more than enough time to see consequences for her actions, this one however, it is a little hard to swallow since she knows you are able to do it but won't.
    older

    Answer by older at 10:57 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

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