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My 4 1/2 year old daughter has a real kicking and screaming fit about getting ready for pre-school(getting dressed,brushing hair,etc.) Nothing seems to work in getting her to cooperate including rewards, choices, time outs or spankings. Desperate for advice and any new solutions that worked for you!

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Asked by 22penny at 11:39 AM on Nov. 13, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (12)
  • How long has this been going on? Why doesn't she want to go to school? What did you use for a reward? What choices did you give her?

    Answer by outstandingLove at 11:48 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • First of all I would have to ask why she is feeling so strongly against it? Its to me like sending a child to day care and they are doing that about going. Me I would take her then go there and observe for myself if there is a problem going on at the pre-school you never know what might actually be going on there. Go see without making an appointment you might catch something going on there that's wrong. If that's ruled out then just try asking her why she is doing that and see what she say's I used to do that with my kids when they were little and yes they can at that age understand more then people think. Sometimes it is just something simple that you can work around after talking to them.

    Answer by lbranta at 11:48 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • My son refused to go to day care as well years ago.

    I would ask if you can sit in a little bit with her and join in like one of the class. Show her how much fun she will have, and get on her level. Play it up big as to how much fun she will have.

    Is she already going and just refuses or is this new to her?

    My son said he wasn't going to go so I said, Ok you stay with your Aunt and I'll go have fun for a while and you just sit here!!

    OR get her dressed and go for a treat before she goes? Then drive her to the daycare, go in and have fun for a bit with her.

    Her teachers should help with getting her acclimated, and let you help a few minutes and once she settles in, sneak out. Maybe they have a baby doll or two or something she can start playing with and get her mind off things.

    Good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • It could be as simple as one of the other students or something that is making her not want to go like the first poster mentioned.

    Once she is there, maybe sneak back with out telling them after 45 minutes or so and see what is up.

    My son had trouble with another boy, so they moved the one boy as he was always disruptive and trying to get other kids to do things to get in trouble too, like move the puzzle floor mats apart, move his mat during their nap time...teachers explained the one boy did not like anyone else in the spot he used to be able to lay in but cause he got in trouble he was moved....and that was HIS SPOT....etc.

    I am sure things are OK there, but better to check it out. Kids are smarter then we give them credit for and it could be another classmate or something simple as she had said as well.

    Again.. good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:57 AM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • She loves her pre-school and always has a wonderful time and never seems to have a problem once she gets there. She attends 5 mornings per week. I really think it is a control issue with her as she is very strong willed and wants to call all the shots.

    Answer by 22penny at 12:04 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Good to hear that she likes the school.

    -but how long has this been going on? Why doesn't she want to go to school? What did you use for a reward? What choices did you give her?


    Answer by outstandingLove at 12:09 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • I told my son I would take him in his undies if he was not ready when I was. I did it one day. Had hi s clothe and he dressed in the van at school. He has been good to go since then. Or if you have a slow dresser and they like to eat then make them get dressed befor they get dressed.

    Answer by IMAMOM2-2KIDS at 12:34 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Well. Let her. If she chooses not to get dressed take her in her jammies. If she won't put her shoes on, let her go without. Make her walk though. Instead of demanding, ask. Say, "What do you need to do to get ready, we will be leaving when the timer goes off." Then let her get ready. If she isn't, throw her things in a bag and say, well, I have to leave, so you can finish getting ready at school. I hope the teacher isn't upset with you coming in jammies. :) I tell ya I only had to do this ONCE.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Well, it sounds that consistancy is somethign that hasn't really been tried. It can take up to 21 days for a behavior to change. She is a child, she is to young for this choice. She needs to do what is required of her. I would say make a morning routine, have it so that everything that involves getting ready is done before breakfast. If she acts up, spank her, she acts up again... spank her again. She needs to understand that an education is not a choice. If she were older, I would say do what I do with my homeschooler... he is 5.5. IF he doesn't want to do his school work... I can allways find something for him to scrub till he is ready to do it. Normally this isn't an issue but sometimes reading lessons just arent as fun as other things.

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 6:06 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • First I would find out if there was a problem at pre-school.

    Second, if it's not an issue with school itself, try making a chart with the order of things that need to happen before she goes to school
    Have her put a sticker (use velcro so you can re-use the chart over and over) after each task is completed. Be sure to give her plenty of praise upon completing each step (you can gradually back it off and save praise for the end once she gets used to it).
    Hang in there!

    Answer by twinclubmom at 7:22 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

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