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Help me feel better!

My friend saw my ex out with his girlfriend. It makes me feel so sad. I should be happy because she didn't have very many positives to say. She said they weren't talking and the girlfriend looked very p***ed. They didn't look like a couple that was really into each other. She described her physically as not super attractive and about 10 years older, having rough skin, make-up caked on, chubby, and looking overall harsh. She is not his typical type at all right down to her hair color. In fact, she is the complete opposite of me. I am shocked! He started dating her right after our break-up and I can' t believe he wanted someone like that over me. He always told me I was beautiful person inside and out. But, he felt like he wasn't good enough for me. That wasn't true, but he was somewhat insecure. I don't get it. Nobody understands why he gave me up. My feelings have been hurt. Please help me feel better.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Nov. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • I'm sorry that he was not able to fully appreciate you for all the beauty you hold. It's always hard to understand why people leave when they say things like he told you. No matter how good of a person he is, he WASN'T good enough for you if he was unable to fully appreciate you... someone who is good enough for you will make sure they keep you. My experience tells me, however, that shit (I'm not good enough for you) is a cop out for people who have enough of a conscience to not want to hurt someone's feelings but not enough of one to be honest or incapable of being honest with themselves... usually a person who isn't willing to put forth the effort it takes to maintain a healthy relationship. Don't let someone else's failings dictate how you feel about yourself.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 4:51 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Original poster here...It's funny that my friend said they weren't talking. He and I were good friends and always talked non-stop. I'll also add that he places quite a bit of importance on money. I'm educated, but not in the highest paying line of work. I think he viewed that as a negative, even though he wouldn't admit it. It makes me sad because I have quite a few guys asking me out and showing interest, but my heart is still hurting. We had love, trust, good communication, and chemistry. I don't understand....Although, I have to admit after the break-up all of my friends admitted that they didn't think he was attractive at all and he should have been thrilled to have a kind, intelligent, loyal, attractive woman that cared so much about him. We were very much in love for a very long time...I can't make sense of it!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:03 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Aww, I know it hurts now...and this statement will not help you in the slightest....but hun, it's all for your best. I know that is SOOO cliche, but sometimes, it's the truth. I think you should take time away from accepted those dates and focus on YOU. You've been hurt and need a healthy way to get your confidence back. Go do things that you love, that maybe you couldn't do while you two were together. I know that it will take time and that you can't see yourself being glad this happened...but I promise someday it will become clear and you'll understand that it was all so you could better appreciate the great guy who is totally out there waiting for you to find him. Good luck to you! {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}
    ErinHill226

    Answer by ErinHill226 at 5:07 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • (hugs) Go ahead and allow yourself time to grieve for the relationship, but set a time limit on that or you risk wallowing in self pity. If I could tell you what broke me of my need to always understand why people did the things they did to me, I could save you years of heartache. I guess one day I just decided that it was okay that I not understand. After all... what answer explaining why he left would possibly be acceptable to you? I understand how it feels to see someone you had a great relationship with appear to be making mistakes, but you can't choose for someone else. Sounds like you are forgetting the reasons you broke up. You deserve more, and I promise you that it is possible to have more than one fantastic relationship. Stop obsessing over him and work on learning how to build yourself up without needing acknowledgement from others. You'll be more likely to project that you deserve appreciation.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 5:12 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

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