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Is this considered molestation?

DH has always had a history of depression because he is socially anxious and his father was very emotionally abusive to all the kids and even physically abusive to their mother. He mentioned to me and to a counselor that when he was very young, not sure exactly how old...but younger than 7...maybe 5? An older boy got him to watch pornography and possibly even masturbated with him there. The therapist says that since the boy was roughly 12-13 and knew better and dh was very young and didn't understand...and that this constitutes molestation and could have been affecting him on a deeper level. He doesnt' SEEM upset by it, possibly slightly embarrassed...but I never thought of it this way. What do you ladies think? The boy never touched him, so although I knew it was wrong I never looked at it quite like that.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Nov. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • i would think that his fathers behavior would have affected him more emotionally than the act you described. Not sure I would call it molestation but i guess it could be called that since i cant think of a different word to describe it. Im sure he does feel akward or embarrased. Sometimes people who are molested feel more guilty about the feelings they had during the innappropriate moment. If he remembers being turned on or enjoying it then he may feel guilty or fear being gay or think he did soemthing to make it happen. Our bodies are trained to respond sexually and it is very normal is sex abuse cases.
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 5:02 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • If this were a little girl being shown porn and being masturbated in front of, would you even stop to question if this were molestation?
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 5:05 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • If he was never touched it's not molestation, he was subjected to what the boy was putting him through. Hope things work out.
    MommaRox4683

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 5:09 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • it's not molestation. but it is indecent exposure for sure. and ...i'm not sure what kind of legal term they could slap on for the porn stuff, but i'm sure there is something about adult video display.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 5:10 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • OP- Wow Figaro...I never would have spinned it like that, but you are totally right. I'm sure I'd chop the penis off if some guy did that with my little girl. I guess the only reason I questioned it's effect is because the offender was technically another child, and boys do weird stuff like that. Although I think you're right...the kid was way old enough to understand that it was inappropriate for such a small boy to participate in. Or...even an older boy for that matter!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:11 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Not molestation in that sense but it is a form of sexual abuse. Two children the same age can be sexually abused by the other, both being too young to understand what they're doing. One will learn it from an adult who has abused them, and they can pass it to a peer the same age. It's not that you can put blame on the child but on the adult who is responsible for exposing children to that sort of thing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:16 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • ^I got my information from Dr. Drew by the way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:19 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • I just think we are conditioned as a society to expect and accept sexual behavior from boys, but little boys are as fragile as girls emotionally. I have had several men open up to me about being molested as children - some stories involve an older girl (in which case the boy is thinking it's cool, but later admitted feeling forced into unwanted activity and that he didn't like it) others involve older boys. I think it happens with boys ALOT more than people think and the way the subject is treated is slanted. I always try to check my prejudices by asking such questions. While I do think sexual exploration and interest is actually normal in children (e.g. toddlers masturbating), a 12-13 year old boy knows what he is doing. This is not an 8 year old and 5 year old playing doctor. The bottom line is your husband probably has some feelings about this - if he remembers it and has discussed it in therapy, it had some lasting impact.
    figaro8895

    Answer by figaro8895 at 5:34 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Sexual abuse
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:00 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • kids do stuff like that...i remember my cousin showing me his weiner. he was the same age as me..we were probably about 6..i dont think of it as any thing bad now...just kids being curious. Idk though about the age difference. I would think that a 13 yr old would know better.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 6:10 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

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