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I neep help plz

I am 21 year old single mom to a 2 and hald year old boy...Love him to death..I found out recently that I am 6 weeks pregnant and well I dont know what to do..Should I give this baby up just because i cant afford it...And wont it be even harder sience I have already one kid and I give this one up...The father keeps changeing his mind,and I know that he has no say but he says that he wont have to help out with this child cause he has a lawyer.I am so confussed,I want to have another baby cause i love kids but im confussed...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:20 PM on Nov. 13, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (21)
  • I would get counseling. There is alot of time to figure this out and you will probably change your mind a few times. The father doesn't have a say if you get an abortion but he has to sign termination of parental rights papers for an adoption. You can always get help as far as money is concerned and that situation can be temporary, adoption isn't. Read up on here what bithmoms have to say, some have positive experiences and some have not. Only you will know if its right for you. I can't help in that aspect as I am an adoptive mom, but I do know its not a decision to make quickly or take lightly. There are adoption groups and birthmom groups you can go to and find some info. good luck to you
    lilsweetpea708

    Answer by lilsweetpea708 at 9:50 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Yes, it will be harder to place this baby for adoption since are already a mother. You received some great advice from the amom who just responded. If you want to parent this child, there are many resources available that will help you to do so. Adoption is forever, and it is a decision that many moms regret. In fact, I know far more moms with negative experiences than positive ones. Plus, even moms with positive adoption situations understand that placing a child is not generally the best option for an unplanned pregnancy unlesss it is absolutely necessary. The father is legally obligated to provide support for his child even if he does have a lawyer.

    I have a group called pregnant and considering options that you are welcome to join as well.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 10:30 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • its a hard decision to make...i gave my so up for adoption 4 1/2 years ago.....and i decided this in the last month before i was due to have him. UGH! it was HARD!!!! BUT i chose WONDERFUL parents and am happy/contint with my decision...it is an open adoption, i get pictures,e-mails, letters, and even visits :) i wouldn't have been able to "hand him over" if i couldn't know about him/see him... get all the information you can about adoption...if you are tinking about it...
    i have had a great outcome....but im not gonna lie....the first 2 years i was REALLY depressed bout it....
    i now have a 2 year old daughter and she has made me the happiest mom ever...and i still wonder about my boy...wishing i coulda kept him....but anyways...do your research...and message me if you have more questions....id be glad to talk more about your situation...best of luck
    coolestmomeva

    Answer by coolestmomeva at 10:35 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • oh, fogot to add..i have NO regrets...but i still miss my son & love seeing him....
    coolestmomeva

    Answer by coolestmomeva at 10:37 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • open adoptions are NOT legally enforceable. someone can promise you anything you want to hear then just shut you out & there's not a damn thing you would be able to do about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • "it is an open adoption, i get pictures,e-mails, letters, and even visits :) i wouldn't have been able to "hand him over" if i couldn't know about him/see him... get all the information you can about adoption...if you are tinking about it..."

    Unfortunately, the reality is that once you sign the final papers you ARE handing your baby over, and may never see them again. If someone cannot deal with that possibility, they should not relinquish their child. You are fortunate that your situation has worked out well, but do you know that your situation is not the norm? Are you aware that many adoptions that begin open close within the first 2 years, and that a birth mom has no recourse in most instances? Do you know that MANY moms do have regrets?

    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 11:59 PM on Nov. 13, 2009

  • Hi, I just wanted to say a few things.... My husband and I have a 5 year old son, but we are unable to have more children. We have been trying to adopt for 7 months now.

    IF.... you do decide on adoption, look for a couple that is wanting an open adoption, so you can receive pictures and updates, and some couples like us are looking for a completely open adoption so you and your son will still have a visits to build a relationship with your baby. It also helps to pick them early so you can build a relationship with the couple before your precious little one arrives, so you know if they are a perfect match for you!

    Another thing.... We had a failed adoption, the family lied to us, said it was rape, ended up being the bf's baby and he wouldn't sign, they all disappeared.... With that, be HONEST with the adoptive family with everything, if you change your mind in the end, be honest, it will give the adoptive family closure!
    Christian-Mom79

    Answer by Christian-Mom79 at 1:07 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • You & your little ones will be in our prayers...
    Christian-Mom79

    Answer by Christian-Mom79 at 1:09 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • "It also helps to pick them early so you can build a relationship with the couple before your precious little one arrives, so you know if they are a perfect match for you!"

    I do not recommend picking a family early. If you change your mind you feel bad for the adoptive family, and they may feel hurt, dissappointed and sometimes angry. As for perfect matches, there is no such thing. Maybe one family will be better for you than another, but adoption is a roll of the dice. There are NO perfect matches OR perfect adoptive families, aparents are just like everyone else.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 1:22 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

  • If you want this baby why are you looking at adoption? ANd yeah the father DOES have a say..he has to sign those papers too! If he refuses to do it he can take his own child & raise it if you don't want tot.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:26 AM on Nov. 14, 2009

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